Dreams

As I walked around the Chemist's a few weeks ago, I thought about where I could get hold of some extra money to get some of the latest beauty products. I suddenly remembered an ad at the University where I work. A researcher was looking for participants for a dream study. The compensation for participating was a £20 shopping voucher which I simply couldn't resist. However, when the researcher at Department of Psychology first started advertising the study, I wasn't sure whether to participate or not. The study involved being woken up by an alarm four times per night for two nights and record your dreams on a dictaphone in the middle of the night.

I waited for months to decide, reflecting on what the effect would be at work due to lack of sleep, if I could ever find the "right" night to do it (maybe a Friday night?), the complications of analysing my dreams afterwards and the amount of time it would take.

Despite the worries about losing deep sleep for two nights, the desire for the shopping voucher grew stronger. I told my husband about the project and he decided to participate in the research project as well. Eventually we got the equipment and questionnaires. Let the research begin!

Waking up in the middle of the night was much easier than I thought. I was able to go to work, and was only slightly tired during the workday.

Also, the questionnaires turned out to be much easier to fill in than I expected. I just ticked the options that applied and wrote down ca. 10 things I had done during each day before going to bed.

Easy peasy!

The experience of taking part in the project taught me that while things may look hard on paper, they are probably much easier in reality. I have gained confidence and feel less hesitant about volunteering, using advanced recipes or taking on new tasks at work.

The biggest gain was not the boost I got from the new hair conditioner and make up I was able to buy, but the reminder that things often seem harder then they are. Trying won't hurt!

Do you have a similar story? Let me know!    

Love,

Hermine

The Journey

    Rachel Brathen practising yoga.
(Source: http://rachelbrathen.com/blog/)

Recovering from mental health issues is a personal journey that sometimes require a physical journey. I read Rachel Brathen's new book 'Yoga Girl' where she talks about how she moved to Costa Rica after experiencing issues with alcohol and drugs among other things in Sweden. Rachel went to Costa Rica with some friends on holiday, hadn't planned to stay long, but the country felt right, and she ended up staying there until settling in Aruba some years later. 

Similarly I read about Åsa Larsson (who didn't deal with mental illness) in the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet ('Resor') earlier this year where she described how she moved to Miami to work as an au pair. The au pair job didn't work out, and after a couple of weeks she starting hosting at clubs instead, and eventually took the bus to New York where she later worked for Marc Jacobs and became a shoe designer. She now runs her own shoe company, Ateljé 71. 

The two examples above show how moving abroad can help turn around your life. Personally, my move to Madrid dramatically changed my life for the better. The second time I returned to get help, the change of environment was an essential part of my recovery. While getting therapy, I could enjoy the sunny climate which boosted my mood and gave me energy. :) I also met lots of interesting people who didn't know about my previous experiences, and I was able to re-discover myself and who I really was. Living in another country, learning a new language and handling things on my own, also improved my self esteem. I proved to myself that I could overcome complex situations such as getting a bank account, finding a room to rent and so on, while speaking a third language. 

Finally, it helped me living in a city without triggers where I could create new memories and not being reminded by buildings and other places where I had had difficult experiences. 

I believe that one should never underestimate the importance of a physical journey when overcoming mental health challenges. It may be that you need to avoid triggers where you live, just need more sun and positiveness, or certain treatment. In any case, a change of environment can help you find out who you really are, and help you meet people who don't know your background and whom you can form new friendships with. 

Have a great week! 

Lots of love, 

Hermine 

What is your sun?

Hi!

Hope everyone had a nice Easter!

Earlier today I watched a documentary about how the Swedish Moderate Party (m) won the elections in 2006. Before then, the main opposition party, the Social Democrats (s), had governed for a total of over 65 years since the early 20th century.

One of the leading (m) strategists, Per Schlingmann, described the nation's 7 parties as planets in an orbit circulating the sun - the Social Democrats. The Moderate party's politics was focused on responding and relating to (s) actions. The key, according to Schlingmann, was to create a new sun, a new way for his party to tell a story and relate to things, independently of (s). And so the Moderate party did, and they won the elections.

This video made me question what my sun is, and how I relate to reality. I like to say that my sun is God. However, in daily life I am often tempted to make other things the centre such as work, my past, health issues (a broken knee cap) and those become the things that I circulate around and refer to during the day.

Personally, I want my sun to consist of God and a positive life story. As pastor T.D. Jakes pointed out: When you focus on your history, it is at the expense of your destiny.

What is your sun? What's at the core of your outlook on life?

Feel free to e-mail me your comments!

Love,

Hermine

Dare to reach high

Dr Hannah Fry recently appeared on the swedish talk show 'Skavlan'. Talking about dating, she said that it is always better to go out and meet people when you are single, because then you get the best person out of those you approached, rather than the best individual out of those who came to you.

I believe this is true for other areas. E.g. if you are looking for work it is often better to be active and try for those jobs you want, rather than accepting one that just 'came your way'. It might be scary to take the risk and apply for that dream position, but as they say, "all you can get is a no".

Some people end up feeling like victims simply because they feel they feel they "had" to take a certain job, rather than "wanted" to.

The more you dare reaching for the stars you want to get to, the more likely it is that  you will find that spot that fits you perfectly.

When we are ready

Måns Zelmerlöw, who won big at Melodifestivalen (2015 Swedish final for Eurovision), said afterwards that as a teenager he had no ambition or goals, that he was the "laziest teen" in his hometown Lund. 

Zelmerlow at the 'Idol audition' 2005. 

As a young boy his mum forced him to sing in front of guests, and later at the age of 19, his friends convinced him to attend an audition for "Idol" (Swedish version of 'American Idol'). He came 5th, but later had a successful career as TV host throughout his 20's, until winning Melodifestivalen at 28. 

Performing winner song 'Heroes' at Melodifestivalen 2015

On the contrary, singer Sanna Nielsen, 30, who hosted Melodifestivalen this year has said, that although she wanted to host the show a few years ago, looking back, she believes she wasn't ready. 

Nielsen in 1996

Having topped the charts as an 11-year old and competed in Melodifestivalen several times, Sanna got to finally represent Sweden in last year's Eurovision, and believes that that was when the executive producer saw new sides of her, and let her host this year's show. She has also hinted that she would like to do more TV hosting and she feels that at 30 she is prepared for it.

Sanna hosting Melodifestivalen with Robin Paulsson, 2015

Interestingly the above stories are almost opposites. Måns embarked on a music career without any real motivation near the age of 20. Sanna on the other hand, was already touring before becoming a teenager. Coincidentally, both of them succeeded in the same Melodifestivalen show doing things they enjoy. It makes me think that whatever things God has planned for us, he has a set time for them. Those events will take place when we are ready whether 19 or 30, motivated or not. All we need to do is trust in Him and keep a good attitude :) 

Insight

I recently listened to a documentary about one of the most infamous criminals in Swedish history, Lars-Inge Svartenbrandt, today Lars Patrick Ferm. He committed a range of crimes including robberies, violent assault on policemen and prison escapes between 1962 and 2009. Born in 1945, he has spent about 40 years of his life in prison. 

Ferm was recently released in early 2014, but arrested shortly afterwards for rape. The interview I listened to was broadcasted in December 2006. In the following years, Ferm would get arrested for robbery and drug possession among other crimes.

Having listened to ex-offenders on radio before, I wasn’t sure what to expect as each one shows different level of insight.

I was immediately struck by the insight of Ferm, as he started off by talking about his childhood in a very open manner. Hearing about his early years, I was not surprised that he ended up choosing the path he did. Moving between different homes, being physically and mentally abused, bullied, molested and isolated, the anger and devastation built up until things took a radical turn when he became 17 and grabbed a gun to threaten someone at a break in of a military warehouse. Lars described it as “evil” taking over his body, his voice changed, and everything happened very quickly.

What touched me was that through the mental health care he received while in prison and with the help of a priest, he was able to see how events in his past had contributed to the anger, resentment and determination not to look “weak”. It seemed liked the worse the crimes got, the weaker he felt inside and therefore the need to boost himself up got bigger.

There was one incident where he shot at a police van. The event is described by a police officer as bloody, violent and Ferm showing no mercy. The same incident is also told by Ferm where he says that he felt “evil” took over him and transformed him, adding that he didn’t plan to kill anyone, he just threatened people.

The differences in the stories shows how the same incident can be viewed from very different perspectives, and just because a criminal appears hardhearted, that may not be his/her perception.

While mostly quiet during interrogations and in court, Ferm apologised to one of his victims, after being told by a therapist he trusted that "You may not say anything in court, but I think you should apologise to this woman." Someone who met Ferm frequently said that he "actually had a conscience".

In the late 80's/early 90's the Minister of Justice announced that some people couldn't be helped and should stay in prison indefinitely. According to Ferm, this idea made him panic since he couldn't stand prison. He subsequently attempted to take his own life but couldn't do it. Then he asked God for help, and he said that after that moment he just felt joy and peace for several months, and that it became a turning point.

It is true that Ferm would commit further serious, terrible crimes. To me what fascinated me about the interview is the insight he showed into the links between events in his childhood and how he behaved later in life. He was able to describe in great detail, the anger, sadness and fear felt even during the most heated moments such as during a robbery, such as wishing the police would shoot him, and getting disappointed when they didn't.

No one knows what the future holds for him, but he has offered an insight into a mind plagued by darkness, and how that darkness can, if only temporarily, be replaced by peace through understanding and God's light. 

Click here to listen to the interview (in Swedish). 

(Source: http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lars-Inge_Svartenbrandt)  

The Master-plan

This Friday I finished work 30 minutes early and decided to make the most of it and head to the mall asap. On the way I dropped my scarf and had to go back to the office to look for it. Perhaps I left it on the rack? Nope, nowhere to be found. I checked one of the bathrooms. Not there either. 

Finally after heading down to the main university reception, I spotted it on the desk. I checked the clock and noticed I had spent almost 15 min looking for it!

I felt annoyed and headed to Wilkinsons to get some snacks. When I was about to pop my card in to pay, I noticed that the young lady before me had left her credit card in the machine. I grabbed the card, rushed out shouting "Excuse me!". The lady turned around, got her card and thanked me dearly. 

Looking back, had I not lost my scarf at the university, I would not have been at Wilkinson's earlier behind the lady and spotting the card. Who knows who else would have seen it and what they would have done?

This story reminded me that God has a plan with everything we do. If you miss the bus or an appointment, don't spend time being frustrated and disappointed. Maybe you were meant to miss that bus because another important event is taking place down the line? Instead, try and thank God for working in your life behind the scenes. He wants what is best for you. He's got a Master-plan. 

Do you have a similar story?