The 4 Power Principles

1. Purpose

First thing, we need to figure out where we are heading, what is driving us in that direction. Who are you? What are you about? What defines you? What is your mission?

In life coaching one of the keys is to start by setting a goal. This is important, but I would argue that a purpose is beyond the next 6 months, 12 months, 24 months. A purpose has do to with your spirit, drive, your essence - what are you about?

As an entrepreneur, I have lost count of the times that I've been out on a limb putting myself in new situations (attending networking meetings on my own, featuring on videos and so on). What helps in those situations is to reconnect with my purpose; the bottom line, the real reason I am there.

I am about motivation - not just for a month or year, but for a lifetime. That self definition can be applied in a number of settings. This is when we get to create a plan.

2. Plan

How are you going to make best use of your purpose? How is it best reflected? What makes you shine? How can you serve? Which steps can you take today? By when do you expect to achieve those steps? Who can support you and help you flourish?

No man is an island, and over the course of starting my business, I have had a lot of help, and opportunities from business networks, my partner and mentor. Since I work from home, I set daily objectives, weekly and monthly not to mention a 3 year plan. The common denominator for all those plans is that I get to be my best, doing what I love - motivate.

In order to activate the plan, we need to be our own motivation machine. When times get tough, we can use that extra battery of...

3. Positive Thinking

A limitless life requires a limitless mindset. 

When we tell ourselves 'I don't know' over and over again, what result do we get? I don't know. Ask yourself 'If I did know what it was, what would it be?'. 

Also, don't take good words from granted. If some of us spent at least half the energy we use on criticising and downplaying ourselves, then our lives would change significantly for the better. Having gone through depression I have learnt the hard way the positive self compliments don't always come easily. That's why my morning mantra is 'I am Beautiful, Smart and Amazing'. I encourage you to create one too! 

You are the child of God and to do what you are meant to do, there is no time for self pity, only self power. 

4. Peace

Figuring out your purpose, plan and positive thinking requires stillness; the ability to listen to ourselves and what we need. Not just in terms of physical health but mental as well. 

Whether it is through mindfulness or other forms of mediation, prayer, playing with your children, reading a book, a walk in the park, exercising at the gym, running, whatever it is, we need to recharge our batteries. 

There are ebbs and floods in life, and taking time to be silent or doing a fun activity, and letting you thoughts float by like clouds on a blue sky is essential to our wellbeing and accomplishing the things we want in life. 

As you will see on my website, all of the seminar & workshops relate to the above topics in one way or the other. 

You are very welcome to attend my next seminar '10 Life Lessons I Learnt at the Gym' on 15 March!

If you want to find out more, contact me today. Take the first step towards change!  

Lots of love

Hermine 

Believing is Seeing - 3 Steps to Getting What You Want

Are you a 'Seeing is Believing' or 'Believing is Seeing' type of person?

I believe strongly in the latter. Many of us define ourselves based on what we have seen in life:

• My parents got divorced, relationships are fragile, and I probably won't be able to maintain one
• I didn't get good results in school, therefore I am not very smart
• I am struggling to pay off my mortgage. I am terrible with money
• I am 25 and haven't had a relationship yet. No one will fall in love with me

The above phrases are just a few examples of things we may tell ourselves. Based on results, things must be a certain way, right?

Nope. I was told I couldn't make friends, while the real reason was I struggled with self esteem. I didn't meet my husband until I turned 30. What if during those previous years, I had given up, and thought it couldn't happen?

Feel, envision, believe

When we believe, we start seeing things. When we set a vision, feel it, believe it, we start attracting the things we want. That is why my logo consists of a staircase with 3 steps: envision, feel, believe.  Instead of just another mundane day at work, you are on path to finding the right job for you. Instead of a night without a date, you are building your confidence, getting closer to meeting that other half.

What you say to yourself matters

What you tell yourself, your thoughts, affect the energy you send out, your body language, your feelings. Perhaps the reason you haven't found a partner yet, is not because you are unattractive or 'a hopeless case' - perhaps it is because of what you believe about yourself?

Your parents may have gotten divorced. However, you are a different person. You can be the first one to change the pattern.

I know people with dyslexia and ADHD. They didn't get great results in school or enjoyed studying. However, they are as intelligent, if not more than, a lot of other people.

Change your beliefs for good

You may be finding it difficult to pay off a loan. However, letting that define your character is completely different and a big jump, compared to acknowledging that you need help. Never ever let negative experiences define your character.

Believe that things are working out for good, that you are good enough, and that these are good times.

('Seeing is Believing' was uttered by St. Thomas, and Jesus responded

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29))

3 Questions That Will Help You Find Your Purpose

Back in college I received a lot of information about career and further education. However, what I missed were some deeper, more fundamental questions about identity, vision and mission. Sometimes what we long to do is right in front of us, we have the skills and passion and our actions point in that direction. We just haven't been confronted with the right questions.

1. Who are you? 

This is a fundamental question which has nothing to do with name or profession. It is about the fundamental feature of ourselves which transpires everything we do.

If somebody had asked me this question, I would have given a standard answer: 'I am Hermine Helleday (maiden name), I am 18, I live in Stockholm...' and so on). At the same time, I was reading self help books, watching Dr Phil, Oprah Winfrey, and even political debates because I could analyse people and could listen to engaging messages.

Today I give a totally different answer. I am a Motivator. That definition influences

• my work (life coach, motivational speaker)
• my relationships with people (focused on listening, providing support, asking questions)
• what I read ('I Declare: 31 Promises over Your Life' by J. Osteen, 'Daring Greatly' by B. Brown),
• what I listen to (motivational, spiritual podcasts such as the 'RobCast' and 'What I know for sure' by Oprah Winfrey)
• what I tell myself when I am alone (make up motivational speeches in my head!) 

2. What do you enjoy doing?

When I was 18 I loved listening to lecturers in class, probably because I have always admired good public speakers. I also loved travelling and moved to Madrid, Spain at 17. Learning about a different culture, helped me understand other people.

Today I watch Ted Talks regularly, watch political debates and speeches, and love spontaneous trips to new destinations, such as Rome last week. My husband has now made it a tradition to give me a trip for my birthday (plus you can get a lot good deals in January!). Last year the destination was Valencia.

I am now able to travel and motivate people, sharing my personal story of overcoming difficulties and showing that change is possible. What could be better? Did I see myself doing this for a living at 18. Nope. But my interests certainly pointed towards that.

3. What are you about?

This is the question that relates to your tagline, your mission, what you want people to know about you, your USP if you so will. Back in my teenage days, I barely knew what tagline meant, let alone how to formulate one. However, in meetings with people such as employers and clients, the clearer picture you have of who you are and how you can contribute, the better.

As an example, Rhonda Byrne, author of bestselling 'The Secret', uses the mission statement "Bring joy to billions".

Today, my mission is:  'Help create life-changing moments'. It's your life, your moment. I help create the breakthrough, the first step towards change.

So, what is your mission? What do you take pleasure in doing? Who are you?

The Pension Prison

In the documentary 'Queen of Versailles', Jackie Siegel says that her turning point came while working at IBM. 

"I came into the office early one day and I asked my manager, "Which project are you working on?" 

He said, "I wrote my own programme to count down the years, days, months, weeks, minutes, down to the second of when I retire."

I said, "Well, why would you do that?" 

He said ,"Because that is when I am going to start living my life."  

I said, "Wow!"  

I put in my resignation."

The above recount shows a perfect example of what I call the 'Pension Prison'. It is a place where you become an inmate when your focus on time until you are "set free" to enjoy life, instead of finding ways to enjoy things now.

Your constant cellmates are Pessimism, Passivity and (Self) Pity, all of which feature in each of the examples below. I have met people who: 

• believe that they can't find another job if they leave their current position. If they managed to find a new position, it would be in a dollar store 
• Say they will never set their foot in the workplace again once they have retired, and that they will stay far away
• Focus on the things they will do when retired, while complaining about the present
• Have spent numerous year with the same employer and still complain frequently about tasks although they are part of the job specification

I have also seen big announcements by staff members on the noticeboard, about finally retiring. More than saying goodbye and showing appreciation, the messages have sounded like great exhales of relief.  

The key lesson for me is to find reasons and ways to enjoy the present moment. That is how we attract more joy, fulfillment and other things we want. When we complain and sigh heavily for each task, we attract what we don't want: boredom, negativity and passivity. 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it in 'The Power Now' 

“...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.” 

For Pension Prisoners, retirement holds the promise of salvation ('One day I will be gone from this place. When I walk out through those doors, I will never return'). However, the only time we have is now. Tolle explains the illusion of time this way:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

What if each time we dream about retirement, we lose another moment which could have been spent soaking up the present. How do we even know there will be retirement? We never know which day will be our last on Earth. There was one employee who retired after more than 40 years with the organisation and shortly after sadly passed away. I hope that he enjoyed his work.

Your "particular set of skills"

Everyone has talent, a purpose in life to fulfill. However, discovering that talent and your niche market in life can be challenging. Some people are still looking for that special skill that they can zoom in on in their 50’s, and others seem to know what it is when they are 5. No matter how long it takes to find it, there is something out there that you are really good at.

Earlier this year, Dagens Nyheter (Swedish newspaper) wrote that Eric Schüldt, a Swedish radio show host received the Lagercrantz award earlier this year for his Saturday morning hit programme (among other projects) where he comments on mainly classical music.

After the award was announced journalist Åsa Beckman came to visit him. She had pictured Schüldt’s living room full of music sheet, busts of famous composers and records. Upon arrival, Beckman noted that on the contrary, the living room was “white and naked like a monastery cell. A piece of harsh ryebread, Marcel Proust’s ‘In Search of Lost Time’ on the workdesk plus a Russian Orthodox image of Christ. The only object which doesn’t look ascetic is a swivel chair in 70’s kitsch leather imitation with ditto foot stool.”

Schüldt said that that is where he sits and selects music for his show. He also stated that he prefers listening to music in earphones, rather than attending concerts, because then he feels that the music speaks just to him. During his university studies in journalism, he didn’t do well when it came to writing news stories, doing reports and so on. The only thing he was good at was good at was radio. The first time someone reacted positively on what he did was when he did radio broadcasts for a student channel.

As I read the article, I thought “Wow, there really is something for everyone.” I was impressed and fascinated by how Schüldt kept working at what he was good at, radio, and even more, analysing classical music, a true niche are in today’s music scene.

Our job is to keep testing, keep trying new things, until things click, someone comments on our talent, and that feedback gives us a hint. You may not be interested in the traditional areas of work, but there is always something you can excel in, even such specialised things such as listening to music in a white room.

The Waiting Game

I believe that to feel fulfilled in life one sometimes needs to take big risks. Like my husband said about having a plan B: "Sometimes you  need a 'plan G' - God's plan. Taking the step and starting your own business, or moving abroad can seem daunting, but not taking the step could leave you unfulfilled and 'lost in life'.

I also believe sticking to the 'G plan' means living in the present and finding peace and joy inside, aware that we are not our possessions or our performance at work.

When we don't take the step to follow a higher purpose for our life, we risk end up in a 'Waiting Game' that ends up controlling our life: waiting for Friday, waiting for the weekend, waiting for payday, summer, Christmas, holiday, graduation, pension, finding a partner... you know the dealio. Just fill in the blanks.

Many lives become shaped after the 'Waiting' rulebook, which basically says "Work hard and await your turn to enjoy life off work." Research shows that not only are people happier on weekends but also experience fewer aches and more energy between Friday evening and Sunday afternoon.

However, as stated in the wide known book 'The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment' (Eckhart Tolle, 2004) all we have is the present moment:

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” 

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”  

After having read Tolle's work, I am determined not to end up in 'Waiting Game' but to practise being here right now, turning down the volume of my thoughts and focusing more on the silent space between breaths.

Who are you?

In 'Masterclass' Jay-Z once mentioned how he spent hours writing rap lyrics as a child. His mother often pointed out the importance of hard work to get somewhere, and he always pictured this being getting a job and study hard.

However, one day he realised that all the time he had spent writing rap lyrics, listening to rap etc. was actually work. He just didn't see it as such, but more like an interest or a hobby.

Do you have a hobby, something that you spend a lot of time on? If so, that could be your work, preparing you for something greater. Perhaps you've thought of all those hours in the garden or baking as just something you do for fun? Well, you could earn money having fun, because it is a passion that God has put in your heart.

I attended a development day session for women during which we were asked to create an action plan for our careers. There was a lady there who during most of the workshop, repeated that she didn't know what to do and issues with family commitments. Towards the end of the workshop, me, a colleague and her were put in a group to discuss our plans.

The above mentioned lady suddenly mentioned how she used to make over 60 cookies for her kids' school and get up early to bake bread and cakes in the morning. The rest of us were surprised at finding this out but encouraged her to tell us more. It was clear what this woman loved to do: baking! And surely, at the end of the development day, she had transformed, her facial expression turned into a smile and she excitingly exclaimed: "I am a baker!"

What do you look forward to? What feels fun and effortless? And most importantly, who are you?

Dare to reach high

Dr Hannah Fry recently appeared on the swedish talk show 'Skavlan'. Talking about dating, she said that it is always better to go out and meet people when you are single, because then you get the best person out of those you approached, rather than the best individual out of those who came to you.

I believe this is true for other areas. E.g. if you are looking for work it is often better to be active and try for those jobs you want, rather than accepting one that just 'came your way'. It might be scary to take the risk and apply for that dream position, but as they say, "all you can get is a no".

Some people end up feeling like victims simply because they feel they feel they "had" to take a certain job, rather than "wanted" to.

The more you dare reaching for the stars you want to get to, the more likely it is that  you will find that spot that fits you perfectly.

The Master-plan

This Friday I finished work 30 minutes early and decided to make the most of it and head to the mall asap. On the way I dropped my scarf and had to go back to the office to look for it. Perhaps I left it on the rack? Nope, nowhere to be found. I checked one of the bathrooms. Not there either. 

Finally after heading down to the main university reception, I spotted it on the desk. I checked the clock and noticed I had spent almost 15 min looking for it!

I felt annoyed and headed to Wilkinsons to get some snacks. When I was about to pop my card in to pay, I noticed that the young lady before me had left her credit card in the machine. I grabbed the card, rushed out shouting "Excuse me!". The lady turned around, got her card and thanked me dearly. 

Looking back, had I not lost my scarf at the university, I would not have been at Wilkinson's earlier behind the lady and spotting the card. Who knows who else would have seen it and what they would have done?

This story reminded me that God has a plan with everything we do. If you miss the bus or an appointment, don't spend time being frustrated and disappointed. Maybe you were meant to miss that bus because another important event is taking place down the line? Instead, try and thank God for working in your life behind the scenes. He wants what is best for you. He's got a Master-plan. 

Do you have a similar story?