No Light Without Darkness: Appreciating the Past

It was early in the morning and I was brushing my teeth before attending a book club meeting. Suddenly the bathroom turned purple. I looked out the window, and surely, the whole sky was covered with a beautiful light of dawn: aurora.

My thoughts stopped for a moment and I absorbed the beauty. Never before during our year long stay in the house had this happened. 

It then hit me that had I switched on the light I would not have noticed the purple dawn. Even more importantly, had it not been for the preceding cold, dark January night, I would not have been able to appreciate the lavender light. 

All of us have had dark, unpleasant experiences in the past: events caused by ourselves and other times when people have done us wrong. 

However, without those incidents we would have no comparison to where we are today. Maybe you got out of a mental health pit, and you are now able to appreciate and admire your own strength and a healthy life? 

Perhaps you were bullied at school, and later learnt how to build up your confidence and not accept abuse from others? 

You might have left an unhealthy relationship and now feel gratitude for being happy alone (rather then unhappy with someone else) and for leaving space for a better suited partner to fill. 

Without any of the preceding events above, we would be less likely to appreciate the glory of today, and how far we have come on our journey. 

Let this be an inspiration when dark times hit: I am being prepared for a better tomorrow. 

Lots of love, 

Hermine

Your Ticket to Success: How to Replace Negative Phrases

I am always amazed by the staff in the local post office and how they manage to listen to "Ticket nr xxx, please go to..." every 15-30 seconds. Personally, I would probably have enough after one day!

It suddenly hit me that I have put up with the 'ticket numbers', just in a different form: negative words.

 What is interesting is that instead of ticket numbers, many of us allow destructive phrases to play in our head, with no objection.

I used to tell myself "I have no social skills", "I am not attractive", even "I am worthless" when my depression hit really hard.

Not only would I play the phrases on repeat, but I would say them out loud. What I wasn't aware of is that when you pronounce words, you give them power.

Today I have a whole new arsenal of phrases, and they are positive. I make sure I say them to myself out loud every morning: "I am Beautiful", "I am Smart", "I am Amazing". I have even ordered Joel Osteen's 'I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life' for more inspiration.

Start with declaring a new phrase over yourself today (e.g. as you comb your hair, spray perfume or make the bed, to make it a routine). It most likely will feel slightly awkward, because your brain might go "What's this?", but don't let it stop you. Soon the positive phrases will come pouring out, just maybe not every 30 seconds!

The Pension Prison

In the documentary 'Queen of Versailles', Jackie Siegel says that her turning point came while working at IBM. 

"I came into the office early one day and I asked my manager, "Which project are you working on?" 

He said, "I wrote my own programme to count down the years, days, months, weeks, minutes, down to the second of when I retire."

I said, "Well, why would you do that?" 

He said ,"Because that is when I am going to start living my life."  

I said, "Wow!"  

I put in my resignation."

The above recount shows a perfect example of what I call the 'Pension Prison'. It is a place where you become an inmate when your focus on time until you are "set free" to enjoy life, instead of finding ways to enjoy things now.

Your constant cellmates are Pessimism, Passivity and (Self) Pity, all of which feature in each of the examples below. I have met people who: 

• believe that they can't find another job if they leave their current position. If they managed to find a new position, it would be in a dollar store 
• Say they will never set their foot in the workplace again once they have retired, and that they will stay far away
• Focus on the things they will do when retired, while complaining about the present
• Have spent numerous year with the same employer and still complain frequently about tasks although they are part of the job specification

I have also seen big announcements by staff members on the noticeboard, about finally retiring. More than saying goodbye and showing appreciation, the messages have sounded like great exhales of relief.  

The key lesson for me is to find reasons and ways to enjoy the present moment. That is how we attract more joy, fulfillment and other things we want. When we complain and sigh heavily for each task, we attract what we don't want: boredom, negativity and passivity. 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it in 'The Power Now' 

“...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.” 

For Pension Prisoners, retirement holds the promise of salvation ('One day I will be gone from this place. When I walk out through those doors, I will never return'). However, the only time we have is now. Tolle explains the illusion of time this way:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

What if each time we dream about retirement, we lose another moment which could have been spent soaking up the present. How do we even know there will be retirement? We never know which day will be our last on Earth. There was one employee who retired after more than 40 years with the organisation and shortly after sadly passed away. I hope that he enjoyed his work.

Empowering Beliefs

Last weekend I attended a Personal Coaching training event organised by the Coaching Academy. It was simply brilliant and I met lots of new people. Some people were there to improve their coaching skills in their work, and others in their roles as life coaches like me. 

The speakers were extraordinary and on fire. Some of them had gone through redundancy and realised that coaching was the right thing for them. Others had realised that they wanted a career change and taken a course. Apart from Personal Coaching, the trainers covered a wide range of types of coaching such as Confidence, Performance and Small Business Coaching. 

We talked about limiting beliefs, which essentially are beliefs that hold you back, stopping you from taking the next step towards your goal. An important part to get to your goal is to overcome those beliefs. Limiting beliefs are things you tell yourself that hold you back and stop you from taking steps towards your objective. 

The way to challenge limiting beliefs is to invent new empowering beliefs which help you take action and replace them. Here are some examples: 

Limiting belief (LB): "I won't perform as well as other people".

Empowering belief (EB): "I am not better or worse than other people". 

LB: "I don't have enough money to do xxx." 

EB: "If I don't have enough money right now, I will find a way to get more."

Do you have any limiting beliefs? How could you replace those with positive, affirmative statements?

During the training session, I noticed a quote at the bottom of our workbook page:

"Whether you believe you can, or whether you believe you can't, you're probably right." (Henry T. Ford)

We might as well believe that we can, right?

The million dollar lesson

Yesterday my husband Josh launched the world premiere of his first short movie "The Million Dollar Question". As I watched him present the film to the ca. 40  viewers I was beaming with pride. "That's my husband" I thought. I also noticed how his sweater had shrunk slightly since I spun it too long in the washing machine. While it would have bothered me as presenter, Josh didn't seem concerned at all.

Someone said recently that true love is when you inspire each other. What I learnt yesterday was "Just do it" and to focus on initiative rather than perfect timing or "Do I have the right skills?"

I once attended a Business Link workshop for self starters. The speaker was an experienced businessman who told us that when he bought clothes he didn't focus on the price. He would ask a shop assistant how much the items were and negotiate a price. He also told us about having lost tens of millions of pounds in bankruptcy. Later he posed the question: If someone wanted help with a business, would they go for someone who never lost a business or the person who lost £70 million? Answer: The latter. Because he has done it. He has been at the top and tried things. He has the experience.

When soon-to-be Swedish Princess Sofia was asked about questionable past model photos, she replied that they are experiences, not mistakes. "Just do it" is better than "Do it perfectly".

Now that's a million dollar lesson.

Fake it until you make it

“You can put positive forces into motion ahead of you wherever you go, but you have to think ahead to do it. Before you do anything, think ahead and see yourself at the completion of the action, happy, and it being completed effortlessly. Now you can move forward.

The positive forces are at your beck and call – but you have to beckon them into your life.”

“Every time you get into a car, remember to take a couple of seconds and see yourself arriving at your destination happy and well. No matter what the trip is you are taking or the type of transportation you are using, use the power of the Universe through your intention and create a beautiful, safe  journey.”

The above quotes are from Rhonda Byrne's 'Daily Teachings', which consists of 365 messages helping you to stay positive and grateful throughout the year. I keep it at work to remind myself in tough times. The key for me in the above messages is that the mind doesn't know what is real and what isn't. So when we picture a successful car journey, feel it and believe it is already happening, our mind accepts it as real. The law of attraction means that what we focus on we attract. When we focus on an event as if it is already happening, we attract it. This power can be used each time we are about to do something; you imagine the outcome, feel it and believe it. When I was younger I once had an important exam coming up. I got a piece of paper and wrote an 'A' on it in the top corner. Interestingly enough, I actually ended up with an 'A' on that very exam! When I am about to do a training session or give a talk, I picture myself up on the floor, giving an inspirational, well received, confident speech. Afterwards, I actually look forward to the task!

Just like the mind interprets positive things as real when we focus on them, it also reads negative thoughts as real when we believe in those. Often when I am stressed, my mind drifts away and I get ideas that may seem crazy later, but in the heat of the moment seem possible. Sometimes I fear that if I am a few minutes late, someone is going to be hugely upset. This hasn't happened, but my mind wanders there and the thought becomes real. When I was younger I even worried about losing my job if I asked too many questions. What I decided to tell myself instead is that I can only do my best and that I will always be ok.

Next time you are about to give a talk, go on a trip, attend a job interview or anything else you feel ambivalent about, take a minute, close your eyes, smile and imagine the event going well and focus on the satisfying feeling of fulfillment you will have. I promise that this practice will help make the outcome you want a reality.

:) Take care!

Love,

Hermine