My Big Lesson on Stillness

Unexpected events tend to teach us the biggest lessons. Earlier this week I was walking into town, searching for an e-mail on my phone, when suddenly, out of the blue, a man jumped out from behind a lorry!

Surprise

It happened right in front of me, and not surprisingly, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Turned out he was one of the two scaffolding guys working on the house nearby. He apparently thought it was a fun idea to hide behind their lorry, wait until I was just about to pass, and then, "Boo!". His colleague instantly started laughing long and hard and so did a young boy who happened to pass by at the time.

I looked at the smiling guy who had tried to intimidate me, and shouted "Are you crazy? Why did you do that? Haha. Very funny!"

Aftermath

Since I was on my way to an important meeting, I tried not to think about the incident. However, even after the meeting the event was still on my mind and I called my husband to talk about it. On the way home, I took photos of the lorry and the guy who jumped out.  My husband then contacted the company and they immediately apologised and said that the person would not work with them anymore.

Lesson

Although I felt shaky that afternoon (who wouldn't after a full grown man jumps out in front of you!) I also knew that I had an important choice to make. I could either dwell in my frustration and condemn the guy who did it, or I could recognise that it was simply a stupid decision by him to joke and have some fun. Also, I had never experienced a real threat, injury or danger, and I was safe.

I decided to meditate, be mindful and acknowledge that I am here now. In addition, I wanted to acknowledge the feelings of fear and frustration, but not let them take hold of me. And it worked.

He is forgiven. I am at peace.

If you have experienced any similar lessons, let me know!

This New Year, Try Something New

Hi everyone. I hope you all feel rested and refreshed after a nice Christmas holiday. I spent mine in Sweden (we even had a bit of snow on the last day!). Being Swedish I often tell my niece that my name is Elsa (it's actually my middle name) and that I am from 'Frozen-land' (although it looks more like Norway in the movie).

Today I tried something new and exciting: my first podcast! It is called 'Hermine's Hodcast' (you heard it here first!) and the first episode will centre on my personal journey of coming out of depression. It will be released very soon so keep an eye out for announcements!

Is there anything you have thought of trying this year? Maybe a new career path, a trip to a dream destination or yoga? Perhaps you're trying to stop doing something like smoking, double-checking the cooker's off or using certain negative keywords?

If so, remember that no dreams are too big, no visions are too wide and that it is possible. You may be thinking of something that looks completely "nuts", "crazy" or not like you. You may even question yourself as you are doing it.

However, just because you and/or other people weren't able to allow themselves to dream big, doesn't mean you have to be that way. If you had told me I would be recording a podcast 15 years ago, I would not have believed you. Let God lead the way. You are meant to do great things. I believe in you.

This is your year!

xxx/ Hermine

The Pension Prison

In the documentary 'Queen of Versailles', Jackie Siegel says that her turning point came while working at IBM. 

"I came into the office early one day and I asked my manager, "Which project are you working on?" 

He said, "I wrote my own programme to count down the years, days, months, weeks, minutes, down to the second of when I retire."

I said, "Well, why would you do that?" 

He said ,"Because that is when I am going to start living my life."  

I said, "Wow!"  

I put in my resignation."

The above recount shows a perfect example of what I call the 'Pension Prison'. It is a place where you become an inmate when your focus on time until you are "set free" to enjoy life, instead of finding ways to enjoy things now.

Your constant cellmates are Pessimism, Passivity and (Self) Pity, all of which feature in each of the examples below. I have met people who: 

• believe that they can't find another job if they leave their current position. If they managed to find a new position, it would be in a dollar store 
• Say they will never set their foot in the workplace again once they have retired, and that they will stay far away
• Focus on the things they will do when retired, while complaining about the present
• Have spent numerous year with the same employer and still complain frequently about tasks although they are part of the job specification

I have also seen big announcements by staff members on the noticeboard, about finally retiring. More than saying goodbye and showing appreciation, the messages have sounded like great exhales of relief.  

The key lesson for me is to find reasons and ways to enjoy the present moment. That is how we attract more joy, fulfillment and other things we want. When we complain and sigh heavily for each task, we attract what we don't want: boredom, negativity and passivity. 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it in 'The Power Now' 

“...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.” 

For Pension Prisoners, retirement holds the promise of salvation ('One day I will be gone from this place. When I walk out through those doors, I will never return'). However, the only time we have is now. Tolle explains the illusion of time this way:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

What if each time we dream about retirement, we lose another moment which could have been spent soaking up the present. How do we even know there will be retirement? We never know which day will be our last on Earth. There was one employee who retired after more than 40 years with the organisation and shortly after sadly passed away. I hope that he enjoyed his work.

The Waiting Game

I believe that to feel fulfilled in life one sometimes needs to take big risks. Like my husband said about having a plan B: "Sometimes you  need a 'plan G' - God's plan. Taking the step and starting your own business, or moving abroad can seem daunting, but not taking the step could leave you unfulfilled and 'lost in life'.

I also believe sticking to the 'G plan' means living in the present and finding peace and joy inside, aware that we are not our possessions or our performance at work.

When we don't take the step to follow a higher purpose for our life, we risk end up in a 'Waiting Game' that ends up controlling our life: waiting for Friday, waiting for the weekend, waiting for payday, summer, Christmas, holiday, graduation, pension, finding a partner... you know the dealio. Just fill in the blanks.

Many lives become shaped after the 'Waiting' rulebook, which basically says "Work hard and await your turn to enjoy life off work." Research shows that not only are people happier on weekends but also experience fewer aches and more energy between Friday evening and Sunday afternoon.

However, as stated in the wide known book 'The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment' (Eckhart Tolle, 2004) all we have is the present moment:

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” 

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”  

After having read Tolle's work, I am determined not to end up in 'Waiting Game' but to practise being here right now, turning down the volume of my thoughts and focusing more on the silent space between breaths.

The grass is perfectly green

Hi everyone. Sorry it has been a while. This week I want to focus on mindfulness. The other day I updated my Samsung. The whole system was revamped and after the transformation I decided to change my lock screen.

Turns out that you can now select "Travel" shuffle images with your favourite destinations based on Trip Advisor. So now, each time I tap my phone I get a new image of Marrakech, Toronto, Taj Mahal, you name it. Sounds great, and the photos are stunning.

However, it made me think that shouldn't I just focus on what I am blessed with right where I am? Perhaps those photos just make me want to escape and long for a different place? Maybe Trip Advisor's teasers only create a need that isn't there and confirm the saying 'The grass is always greener...'?

I have finally decided to keep the images shuffling for a while to see how it feels. They are beautiful after all. I also try to focus on the present each time I see them, and remember that I have everything I need to be happy. Right here. Right now. All those feelings are already inside us. You don't need the Saint Tropez trip as a trigger. Sure it would be nice, but the joy can be experienced right now.

21 June was the first ever International Yoga Day. There's a great way to find contentment and peace in the moment.

The Journey

    Rachel Brathen practising yoga.
(Source: http://rachelbrathen.com/blog/)

Recovering from mental health issues is a personal journey that sometimes require a physical journey. I read Rachel Brathen's new book 'Yoga Girl' where she talks about how she moved to Costa Rica after experiencing issues with alcohol and drugs among other things in Sweden. Rachel went to Costa Rica with some friends on holiday, hadn't planned to stay long, but the country felt right, and she ended up staying there until settling in Aruba some years later. 

Similarly I read about Åsa Larsson (who didn't deal with mental illness) in the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet ('Resor') earlier this year where she described how she moved to Miami to work as an au pair. The au pair job didn't work out, and after a couple of weeks she starting hosting at clubs instead, and eventually took the bus to New York where she later worked for Marc Jacobs and became a shoe designer. She now runs her own shoe company, Ateljé 71. 

The two examples above show how moving abroad can help turn around your life. Personally, my move to Madrid dramatically changed my life for the better. The second time I returned to get help, the change of environment was an essential part of my recovery. While getting therapy, I could enjoy the sunny climate which boosted my mood and gave me energy. :) I also met lots of interesting people who didn't know about my previous experiences, and I was able to re-discover myself and who I really was. Living in another country, learning a new language and handling things on my own, also improved my self esteem. I proved to myself that I could overcome complex situations such as getting a bank account, finding a room to rent and so on, while speaking a third language. 

Finally, it helped me living in a city without triggers where I could create new memories and not being reminded by buildings and other places where I had had difficult experiences. 

I believe that one should never underestimate the importance of a physical journey when overcoming mental health challenges. It may be that you need to avoid triggers where you live, just need more sun and positiveness, or certain treatment. In any case, a change of environment can help you find out who you really are, and help you meet people who don't know your background and whom you can form new friendships with. 

Have a great week! 

Lots of love, 

Hermine