Believing is Seeing - 3 Steps to Getting What You Want

Are you a 'Seeing is Believing' or 'Believing is Seeing' type of person?

I believe strongly in the latter. Many of us define ourselves based on what we have seen in life:

• My parents got divorced, relationships are fragile, and I probably won't be able to maintain one
• I didn't get good results in school, therefore I am not very smart
• I am struggling to pay off my mortgage. I am terrible with money
• I am 25 and haven't had a relationship yet. No one will fall in love with me

The above phrases are just a few examples of things we may tell ourselves. Based on results, things must be a certain way, right?

Nope. I was told I couldn't make friends, while the real reason was I struggled with self esteem. I didn't meet my husband until I turned 30. What if during those previous years, I had given up, and thought it couldn't happen?

Feel, envision, believe

When we believe, we start seeing things. When we set a vision, feel it, believe it, we start attracting the things we want. That is why my logo consists of a staircase with 3 steps: envision, feel, believe.  Instead of just another mundane day at work, you are on path to finding the right job for you. Instead of a night without a date, you are building your confidence, getting closer to meeting that other half.

What you say to yourself matters

What you tell yourself, your thoughts, affect the energy you send out, your body language, your feelings. Perhaps the reason you haven't found a partner yet, is not because you are unattractive or 'a hopeless case' - perhaps it is because of what you believe about yourself?

Your parents may have gotten divorced. However, you are a different person. You can be the first one to change the pattern.

I know people with dyslexia and ADHD. They didn't get great results in school or enjoyed studying. However, they are as intelligent, if not more than, a lot of other people.

Change your beliefs for good

You may be finding it difficult to pay off a loan. However, letting that define your character is completely different and a big jump, compared to acknowledging that you need help. Never ever let negative experiences define your character.

Believe that things are working out for good, that you are good enough, and that these are good times.

('Seeing is Believing' was uttered by St. Thomas, and Jesus responded

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29))

The Pension Prison

In the documentary 'Queen of Versailles', Jackie Siegel says that her turning point came while working at IBM. 

"I came into the office early one day and I asked my manager, "Which project are you working on?" 

He said, "I wrote my own programme to count down the years, days, months, weeks, minutes, down to the second of when I retire."

I said, "Well, why would you do that?" 

He said ,"Because that is when I am going to start living my life."  

I said, "Wow!"  

I put in my resignation."

The above recount shows a perfect example of what I call the 'Pension Prison'. It is a place where you become an inmate when your focus on time until you are "set free" to enjoy life, instead of finding ways to enjoy things now.

Your constant cellmates are Pessimism, Passivity and (Self) Pity, all of which feature in each of the examples below. I have met people who: 

• believe that they can't find another job if they leave their current position. If they managed to find a new position, it would be in a dollar store 
• Say they will never set their foot in the workplace again once they have retired, and that they will stay far away
• Focus on the things they will do when retired, while complaining about the present
• Have spent numerous year with the same employer and still complain frequently about tasks although they are part of the job specification

I have also seen big announcements by staff members on the noticeboard, about finally retiring. More than saying goodbye and showing appreciation, the messages have sounded like great exhales of relief.  

The key lesson for me is to find reasons and ways to enjoy the present moment. That is how we attract more joy, fulfillment and other things we want. When we complain and sigh heavily for each task, we attract what we don't want: boredom, negativity and passivity. 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it in 'The Power Now' 

“...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.” 

For Pension Prisoners, retirement holds the promise of salvation ('One day I will be gone from this place. When I walk out through those doors, I will never return'). However, the only time we have is now. Tolle explains the illusion of time this way:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

What if each time we dream about retirement, we lose another moment which could have been spent soaking up the present. How do we even know there will be retirement? We never know which day will be our last on Earth. There was one employee who retired after more than 40 years with the organisation and shortly after sadly passed away. I hope that he enjoyed his work.

"Fame is other people's perception of who you are"

As I was reading Markus 'Notch' Persson tweets earlier, I was reminded of the phrase stated by Oprah Winfrey regarding fame: "Fame is other people's perception of who you are." In other words, you can never experience yourself the same way another person would.

Persson is the founder of the famous online videogame 'Minecraft' in which you use blocks (similar to lego) to build anything you want. The game has won several awards and the company behind the game, Mojang, was bought by Microsoft in 2014 for $2.5 billion (£1.5 billion).

The purchase dramatically turned around Persson's life and he soon purchased a mansion in Beverly Hills for $70 million (ca. £45 million), outbidding Jay-Z and Beyonce.

While many of us look up to the lifestyle of the rich and famous, we are still observers. However, if we were in their shoes, would we still experience things in a positive way?

I think the tweet below speaks volumes about the joy and adventure being in the journey, not the destination.

Markus PerssonVerified account‏@notch

The problem with getting everything is you run out of reasons to keep trying, and human interaction becomes impossible due to imbalance.

• RETWEETS1,712
• FAVOURITES2,586
• 

2:48 a.m. - 29 Aug 2015

Some years ago, I received a large sum of insurance money due to a dog bite in Italy. I love shopping and treating myself once a month after I get my paycheck. I even like window shopping since I get to plan what I will buy next.

However, after I received the lump sum, the excitement of buying one of those pretty expensive dresses, just vanished. It was as if when I knew I could by the dress (and the shoes, necklace, bag), I no longer sought the objects, they became every day things. As Persson stated, I was no longer trying, I had the money.

If I suddenly started earning millions and was hanging on Ibiza with celebrities, how would I know which ones were interested in me as a person, and which ones were interested in the money? Suddenly there's an imbalance.

I believe the key to keep oneself grounded is to do something for work, that you would do even if you weren't earning a penny, to have people around you who knew you before you acquired your wealth and will treat you the same way as before, and remember that happiness comes from the inside wherever we are in life.

The million dollar lesson

Yesterday my husband Josh launched the world premiere of his first short movie "The Million Dollar Question". As I watched him present the film to the ca. 40  viewers I was beaming with pride. "That's my husband" I thought. I also noticed how his sweater had shrunk slightly since I spun it too long in the washing machine. While it would have bothered me as presenter, Josh didn't seem concerned at all.

Someone said recently that true love is when you inspire each other. What I learnt yesterday was "Just do it" and to focus on initiative rather than perfect timing or "Do I have the right skills?"

I once attended a Business Link workshop for self starters. The speaker was an experienced businessman who told us that when he bought clothes he didn't focus on the price. He would ask a shop assistant how much the items were and negotiate a price. He also told us about having lost tens of millions of pounds in bankruptcy. Later he posed the question: If someone wanted help with a business, would they go for someone who never lost a business or the person who lost £70 million? Answer: The latter. Because he has done it. He has been at the top and tried things. He has the experience.

When soon-to-be Swedish Princess Sofia was asked about questionable past model photos, she replied that they are experiences, not mistakes. "Just do it" is better than "Do it perfectly".

Now that's a million dollar lesson.

The Journey

    Rachel Brathen practising yoga.
(Source: http://rachelbrathen.com/blog/)

Recovering from mental health issues is a personal journey that sometimes require a physical journey. I read Rachel Brathen's new book 'Yoga Girl' where she talks about how she moved to Costa Rica after experiencing issues with alcohol and drugs among other things in Sweden. Rachel went to Costa Rica with some friends on holiday, hadn't planned to stay long, but the country felt right, and she ended up staying there until settling in Aruba some years later. 

Similarly I read about Åsa Larsson (who didn't deal with mental illness) in the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet ('Resor') earlier this year where she described how she moved to Miami to work as an au pair. The au pair job didn't work out, and after a couple of weeks she starting hosting at clubs instead, and eventually took the bus to New York where she later worked for Marc Jacobs and became a shoe designer. She now runs her own shoe company, Ateljé 71. 

The two examples above show how moving abroad can help turn around your life. Personally, my move to Madrid dramatically changed my life for the better. The second time I returned to get help, the change of environment was an essential part of my recovery. While getting therapy, I could enjoy the sunny climate which boosted my mood and gave me energy. :) I also met lots of interesting people who didn't know about my previous experiences, and I was able to re-discover myself and who I really was. Living in another country, learning a new language and handling things on my own, also improved my self esteem. I proved to myself that I could overcome complex situations such as getting a bank account, finding a room to rent and so on, while speaking a third language. 

Finally, it helped me living in a city without triggers where I could create new memories and not being reminded by buildings and other places where I had had difficult experiences. 

I believe that one should never underestimate the importance of a physical journey when overcoming mental health challenges. It may be that you need to avoid triggers where you live, just need more sun and positiveness, or certain treatment. In any case, a change of environment can help you find out who you really are, and help you meet people who don't know your background and whom you can form new friendships with. 

Have a great week! 

Lots of love, 

Hermine 

When we are ready

Måns Zelmerlöw, who won big at Melodifestivalen (2015 Swedish final for Eurovision), said afterwards that as a teenager he had no ambition or goals, that he was the "laziest teen" in his hometown Lund. 

Zelmerlow at the 'Idol audition' 2005. 

As a young boy his mum forced him to sing in front of guests, and later at the age of 19, his friends convinced him to attend an audition for "Idol" (Swedish version of 'American Idol'). He came 5th, but later had a successful career as TV host throughout his 20's, until winning Melodifestivalen at 28. 

Performing winner song 'Heroes' at Melodifestivalen 2015

On the contrary, singer Sanna Nielsen, 30, who hosted Melodifestivalen this year has said, that although she wanted to host the show a few years ago, looking back, she believes she wasn't ready. 

Nielsen in 1996

Having topped the charts as an 11-year old and competed in Melodifestivalen several times, Sanna got to finally represent Sweden in last year's Eurovision, and believes that that was when the executive producer saw new sides of her, and let her host this year's show. She has also hinted that she would like to do more TV hosting and she feels that at 30 she is prepared for it.

Sanna hosting Melodifestivalen with Robin Paulsson, 2015

Interestingly the above stories are almost opposites. Måns embarked on a music career without any real motivation near the age of 20. Sanna on the other hand, was already touring before becoming a teenager. Coincidentally, both of them succeeded in the same Melodifestivalen show doing things they enjoy. It makes me think that whatever things God has planned for us, he has a set time for them. Those events will take place when we are ready whether 19 or 30, motivated or not. All we need to do is trust in Him and keep a good attitude :)