Making the Decision - My Move to Madrid

When we decide, the magic starts. When we decide, we let God work in our lives. When we decide, we open up to blessings.

One of the worst, most frustrating places to be is on a fence. It is safe, but it can wear you down.

You know that feeling deep inside, that yearning feeling, that wants you to move on, aim higher, develop, expand, increase and go further. Maybe you can't put your finger on what you are meant to do, but you want change.

Moving to Madrid

I have been there. When I moved to Madrid as a teenager, I was ready for change. I had put my foot down. I knew I deserved more and better. As one of my teachers said, "This is your time to bloom'.

My main goal was to get therapy. I knew that I wanted to feel better, regain self esteem and taste freedom. I barely spoke the language, moved 7 times within the first 3 months and at the same time was trying to find work. I handed out newspapers, sold gingerbread & mulled wine at IKEA and other jobs until started studying Spanish at a University. After completing the studies, I worked as an English Teacher.

Build your strength

The key to getting well was making the decision; not knowing in detail how things were going to plan out, but believing in the overarching goal: recovery.

Many people prefer to travel together, explore together. However, don't be afraid to step out on your own. It is the situations when you have no one to turn to, that will truly build your strength.

So, don't worry if you can't see the next steps. Just make sure you get on the staircase.

Believing is Seeing - 3 Steps to Getting What You Want

Are you a 'Seeing is Believing' or 'Believing is Seeing' type of person?

I believe strongly in the latter. Many of us define ourselves based on what we have seen in life:

• My parents got divorced, relationships are fragile, and I probably won't be able to maintain one
• I didn't get good results in school, therefore I am not very smart
• I am struggling to pay off my mortgage. I am terrible with money
• I am 25 and haven't had a relationship yet. No one will fall in love with me

The above phrases are just a few examples of things we may tell ourselves. Based on results, things must be a certain way, right?

Nope. I was told I couldn't make friends, while the real reason was I struggled with self esteem. I didn't meet my husband until I turned 30. What if during those previous years, I had given up, and thought it couldn't happen?

Feel, envision, believe

When we believe, we start seeing things. When we set a vision, feel it, believe it, we start attracting the things we want. That is why my logo consists of a staircase with 3 steps: envision, feel, believe.  Instead of just another mundane day at work, you are on path to finding the right job for you. Instead of a night without a date, you are building your confidence, getting closer to meeting that other half.

What you say to yourself matters

What you tell yourself, your thoughts, affect the energy you send out, your body language, your feelings. Perhaps the reason you haven't found a partner yet, is not because you are unattractive or 'a hopeless case' - perhaps it is because of what you believe about yourself?

Your parents may have gotten divorced. However, you are a different person. You can be the first one to change the pattern.

I know people with dyslexia and ADHD. They didn't get great results in school or enjoyed studying. However, they are as intelligent, if not more than, a lot of other people.

Change your beliefs for good

You may be finding it difficult to pay off a loan. However, letting that define your character is completely different and a big jump, compared to acknowledging that you need help. Never ever let negative experiences define your character.

Believe that things are working out for good, that you are good enough, and that these are good times.

('Seeing is Believing' was uttered by St. Thomas, and Jesus responded

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29))

Break Free Moment - 3 Things To Declare Over Your Destiny

Creating your own realism

Some of us have lived, or live, in environments in which things seem to work against us, where we are set up for disappointment, encouraged to be 'realistic'. I don't know how many people I have spoken to who were told not to pursue a dream because it was deemed 'unrealistic'.

Similarly, some people are 'marinated' in an environment of low expectations, low fulfilment and low satisfaction, since people around them are too afraid to raise their hopes up.

Breaking Free

What I want you to know is that it is possible to break free, and create your own reality. In your world, you decide what is realistic, what you are called to do and what feels right.

I have been called names, told that career plans were unrealistic, that I didn't have social skills.

Acknowledgement is the first step towards change. When you face the fact that certain people around you bring you down rather than lift you up, you are making your first move towards setting your own standards, your own goals and your own definition of yourself
.

3 Declarations

I want something better. I deserve better. I am willing to do better.

Want to increase your confidence? Join me on 25 Feb in lovely Luton. Special introductory offer: £3! www.herminehodson.com/motivational

Your Ticket to Success: How to Replace Negative Phrases

I am always amazed by the staff in the local post office and how they manage to listen to "Ticket nr xxx, please go to..." every 15-30 seconds. Personally, I would probably have enough after one day!

It suddenly hit me that I have put up with the 'ticket numbers', just in a different form: negative words.

 What is interesting is that instead of ticket numbers, many of us allow destructive phrases to play in our head, with no objection.

I used to tell myself "I have no social skills", "I am not attractive", even "I am worthless" when my depression hit really hard.

Not only would I play the phrases on repeat, but I would say them out loud. What I wasn't aware of is that when you pronounce words, you give them power.

Today I have a whole new arsenal of phrases, and they are positive. I make sure I say them to myself out loud every morning: "I am Beautiful", "I am Smart", "I am Amazing". I have even ordered Joel Osteen's 'I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life' for more inspiration.

Start with declaring a new phrase over yourself today (e.g. as you comb your hair, spray perfume or make the bed, to make it a routine). It most likely will feel slightly awkward, because your brain might go "What's this?", but don't let it stop you. Soon the positive phrases will come pouring out, just maybe not every 30 seconds!

This New Year, Try Something New

Hi everyone. I hope you all feel rested and refreshed after a nice Christmas holiday. I spent mine in Sweden (we even had a bit of snow on the last day!). Being Swedish I often tell my niece that my name is Elsa (it's actually my middle name) and that I am from 'Frozen-land' (although it looks more like Norway in the movie).

Today I tried something new and exciting: my first podcast! It is called 'Hermine's Hodcast' (you heard it here first!) and the first episode will centre on my personal journey of coming out of depression. It will be released very soon so keep an eye out for announcements!

Is there anything you have thought of trying this year? Maybe a new career path, a trip to a dream destination or yoga? Perhaps you're trying to stop doing something like smoking, double-checking the cooker's off or using certain negative keywords?

If so, remember that no dreams are too big, no visions are too wide and that it is possible. You may be thinking of something that looks completely "nuts", "crazy" or not like you. You may even question yourself as you are doing it.

However, just because you and/or other people weren't able to allow themselves to dream big, doesn't mean you have to be that way. If you had told me I would be recording a podcast 15 years ago, I would not have believed you. Let God lead the way. You are meant to do great things. I believe in you.

This is your year!

xxx/ Hermine

Double Whammy

Nope, I am not talking about the delicious Ben & Jerry ice cream flavour. This time it is about that the feelings of negativity you can experience when someone treats you wrong. One of the definitions of 'double whammy' is 

"A situation that is bad in two different ways, a situation in which two bad conditions exist at the same time or two bad things happen one after the other."

(Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary)  

A few years ago I worked at a summer camp for teenagers. At one point we were at the Science museum in London with the students. A colleague asked me to do something and I replied I would do it later. He then shouted in my face "Do it now!". I was really surprised by his reaction and upset. How could someone talk to me like that? I hadn't had any issues with the person previously.

It is after an incident like the above that the 'double whammy' feelings may set in. First you feel sad, upset, angry and disappointed that someone treated you unfairly. But on top of that, some of us ask "Why did he/she treat me like that, and not someone else?", "What did I do to invite/attract/accept such behaviour?". We want to understand the situation so badly that we even go to the lengths of taking responsibility for someone else's bad behaviour. You receive the first blow by the other person, and the second one from yourself. Who ends up feeling miserable? You. 

Children are actually some of the most vulnerable people to the 'double whammy', since they have a unique ability to take responsibility for other people's actions. That way they understand things that are beyond their control. If the parents are fighting the kids often feel accountable in addition to experiencing the drama at home. If the parents separate, the children may feel that they could have done something to stop it. The sense of guilt can be hard to get rid of.  But it is not the child who is responsible or in control, it is the parents as managers of the family. 

Another person's behaviour is always their responsibility. I used to think that I sent off signals of insecurity in my tone and body language that others felt and then thought it was ok to treat me disrespectfully. It was first when my husband pointed out that I don't come across as weak at all, that I changed the way I perceived myself. When I hear the negative voice swinging a second punch, I reject it.

Even if I had come across as insecure, no one has the right to verbally abuse and disrespect me, you or anyone else. They make the choice of what they say and how they say it. There are many ways to express a feeling. You don't control their choices.

It is useful to consider our own behaviour, and how we can express ourselves more clearly, stand up for ourselves more often and be kinder to ourselves. However, that is very different to taking responsibility for someone else's bad actions. There is a clear line drawn in the sand. Stand tall on your side.