The Timeless Temptations - Your Time is Now

Some people shoot to the sky like fireworks, before fading away. They can give you sunshine on a cloudy day. And when the world feels like a ball of confusion, they make you feel like you are on cloud nine. 

Timeless Time Machines

I am sure you also have people you admire, who have set new trends, transformed their field and broken new ground. For me, those people include the Temptations. The group recorded multiple classics ('My Girl', 'Get Ready', 'Papa was a Rolling Stone' among many others). Every time I listen to the above group, they take me back to the mid 60's to early 70's, as if my headphones were a time machine. At the same time their music is timeless. 

Creating "magic"

The other day I wanted to find out what happened to the members. It was a sad surprise to find out that four (David Ruffin, Melvin Franklin, Paul Williams, Eddie Kendricks) of the original five members had already passed away due to drug addiction, suicide and health issues. 

The one remaining original member, Otis Williams said that "there was a magic, that will never be had like that of the original five."

Shoot for the stars

Now when I listen to their music, I appreciate what the group managed to achieve even more. There were struggles, members who eventually left, but for a few years, together they managed to create magic. 

We can do the same. We can shoot for the stars in our fields, leave a mark and create fireworks that will light up the sky for those who come after us. We just need to use our skills to best of our ability, take chances and remember that our time is now. 

Believing is Seeing - 3 Steps to Getting What You Want

Are you a 'Seeing is Believing' or 'Believing is Seeing' type of person?

I believe strongly in the latter. Many of us define ourselves based on what we have seen in life:

• My parents got divorced, relationships are fragile, and I probably won't be able to maintain one
• I didn't get good results in school, therefore I am not very smart
• I am struggling to pay off my mortgage. I am terrible with money
• I am 25 and haven't had a relationship yet. No one will fall in love with me

The above phrases are just a few examples of things we may tell ourselves. Based on results, things must be a certain way, right?

Nope. I was told I couldn't make friends, while the real reason was I struggled with self esteem. I didn't meet my husband until I turned 30. What if during those previous years, I had given up, and thought it couldn't happen?

Feel, envision, believe

When we believe, we start seeing things. When we set a vision, feel it, believe it, we start attracting the things we want. That is why my logo consists of a staircase with 3 steps: envision, feel, believe.  Instead of just another mundane day at work, you are on path to finding the right job for you. Instead of a night without a date, you are building your confidence, getting closer to meeting that other half.

What you say to yourself matters

What you tell yourself, your thoughts, affect the energy you send out, your body language, your feelings. Perhaps the reason you haven't found a partner yet, is not because you are unattractive or 'a hopeless case' - perhaps it is because of what you believe about yourself?

Your parents may have gotten divorced. However, you are a different person. You can be the first one to change the pattern.

I know people with dyslexia and ADHD. They didn't get great results in school or enjoyed studying. However, they are as intelligent, if not more than, a lot of other people.

Change your beliefs for good

You may be finding it difficult to pay off a loan. However, letting that define your character is completely different and a big jump, compared to acknowledging that you need help. Never ever let negative experiences define your character.

Believe that things are working out for good, that you are good enough, and that these are good times.

('Seeing is Believing' was uttered by St. Thomas, and Jesus responded

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29))

3 Questions That Will Help You Find Your Purpose

Back in college I received a lot of information about career and further education. However, what I missed were some deeper, more fundamental questions about identity, vision and mission. Sometimes what we long to do is right in front of us, we have the skills and passion and our actions point in that direction. We just haven't been confronted with the right questions.

1. Who are you? 

This is a fundamental question which has nothing to do with name or profession. It is about the fundamental feature of ourselves which transpires everything we do.

If somebody had asked me this question, I would have given a standard answer: 'I am Hermine Helleday (maiden name), I am 18, I live in Stockholm...' and so on). At the same time, I was reading self help books, watching Dr Phil, Oprah Winfrey, and even political debates because I could analyse people and could listen to engaging messages.

Today I give a totally different answer. I am a Motivator. That definition influences

• my work (life coach, motivational speaker)
• my relationships with people (focused on listening, providing support, asking questions)
• what I read ('I Declare: 31 Promises over Your Life' by J. Osteen, 'Daring Greatly' by B. Brown),
• what I listen to (motivational, spiritual podcasts such as the 'RobCast' and 'What I know for sure' by Oprah Winfrey)
• what I tell myself when I am alone (make up motivational speeches in my head!) 

2. What do you enjoy doing?

When I was 18 I loved listening to lecturers in class, probably because I have always admired good public speakers. I also loved travelling and moved to Madrid, Spain at 17. Learning about a different culture, helped me understand other people.

Today I watch Ted Talks regularly, watch political debates and speeches, and love spontaneous trips to new destinations, such as Rome last week. My husband has now made it a tradition to give me a trip for my birthday (plus you can get a lot good deals in January!). Last year the destination was Valencia.

I am now able to travel and motivate people, sharing my personal story of overcoming difficulties and showing that change is possible. What could be better? Did I see myself doing this for a living at 18. Nope. But my interests certainly pointed towards that.

3. What are you about?

This is the question that relates to your tagline, your mission, what you want people to know about you, your USP if you so will. Back in my teenage days, I barely knew what tagline meant, let alone how to formulate one. However, in meetings with people such as employers and clients, the clearer picture you have of who you are and how you can contribute, the better.

As an example, Rhonda Byrne, author of bestselling 'The Secret', uses the mission statement "Bring joy to billions".

Today, my mission is:  'Help create life-changing moments'. It's your life, your moment. I help create the breakthrough, the first step towards change.

So, what is your mission? What do you take pleasure in doing? Who are you?

Stepping Out Of The Mould - How I Challenged My Beliefs

Some of us grew up with images of ourselves that were anything but positive. One of the key benefits I gained from therapy was to challenge the view I had of myself. Fortunately I started therapy at a young age, 18, and since then, nothing has been the same. Here are some examples of how I changed preconceived ideas about myself and my life:

• I took for granted that I was insecure, while I was confident. 
• I though I was shy, when I was actually chatty and love public speaking! 
• I assumed I would live in Sweden, when for the past 16 years I have lived in 3 different countries, met people from all over the world and learnt a new language! 
• I thought I couldn't maintain a healthy relationship. On the contrary, I have now been married to my wonderful husband for 2 years. 
• I thought would complete my studies and then steadily build up a career in marketing. Instead, I decided to follow my passion and become a life coach and motivational speaker helping others create life changing moments.

I encourage everyone to challenge any (negative) preconceived notions that you been told by others or yourself. 

Step out of the mould that others may have tried to fit you in, and allow yourself to be that person you want to become. It starts in the head. You don't have to believe right now, just imagine. Then hold on to that vision, and make the changes necessary. That vision is going to take you places. 

Blue space, green space

I am a big fan of Dr Sonal Minocha, former Executive Dean at the University of Bedfordshire Business School. She was the winner of 'Asian Academic of the Year' at the Asian Voice Political and Public Life Awards in 2013, and shortlisted for the award 'Woman of the Year' at the 2012 Asian Achievers Awards.

Not only does she have an impressive background, but also a greatly inspiring way of thinking.

A few years ago I attended a department meeting at the University. Dr Minocha was giving a talk, and it completely surprised me by the amount of vision and innovation that transcended her presentation.

One of the things Dr Minocha mentioned was the difference between "green space" and "blue space". The "green space" (grass, ground) is the area where a lot of people reside, with limiting beliefs, focusing on what is practical and realistic.

The "blue space" (sky) represents an 'out of the box' mentality, 'sky's the limit' thinking, persistence and hope. Focusing on the "blue space" requires courage and faith that can lift your wings. At the same time the area has no limits.

When I re-visited the Business School after working for the Faculty of Health and Social Sciences, I noticed that the previously white walls had been redecorated which inspirational quotes and photos of staff and students. My guess is Dr Minocha helped initiate the change. Near the entrance is one of my favourite quotes:

While I have attended several university seminars, Dr Minocha's speech was certainly one which stood out, and her admirable resume, shows that she believes in, and is an excellent example, of the success of the 'blue space' mentality.

The Journey

    Rachel Brathen practising yoga.
(Source: http://rachelbrathen.com/blog/)

Recovering from mental health issues is a personal journey that sometimes require a physical journey. I read Rachel Brathen's new book 'Yoga Girl' where she talks about how she moved to Costa Rica after experiencing issues with alcohol and drugs among other things in Sweden. Rachel went to Costa Rica with some friends on holiday, hadn't planned to stay long, but the country felt right, and she ended up staying there until settling in Aruba some years later. 

Similarly I read about Åsa Larsson (who didn't deal with mental illness) in the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet ('Resor') earlier this year where she described how she moved to Miami to work as an au pair. The au pair job didn't work out, and after a couple of weeks she starting hosting at clubs instead, and eventually took the bus to New York where she later worked for Marc Jacobs and became a shoe designer. She now runs her own shoe company, Ateljé 71. 

The two examples above show how moving abroad can help turn around your life. Personally, my move to Madrid dramatically changed my life for the better. The second time I returned to get help, the change of environment was an essential part of my recovery. While getting therapy, I could enjoy the sunny climate which boosted my mood and gave me energy. :) I also met lots of interesting people who didn't know about my previous experiences, and I was able to re-discover myself and who I really was. Living in another country, learning a new language and handling things on my own, also improved my self esteem. I proved to myself that I could overcome complex situations such as getting a bank account, finding a room to rent and so on, while speaking a third language. 

Finally, it helped me living in a city without triggers where I could create new memories and not being reminded by buildings and other places where I had had difficult experiences. 

I believe that one should never underestimate the importance of a physical journey when overcoming mental health challenges. It may be that you need to avoid triggers where you live, just need more sun and positiveness, or certain treatment. In any case, a change of environment can help you find out who you really are, and help you meet people who don't know your background and whom you can form new friendships with. 

Have a great week! 

Lots of love, 

Hermine 

What is your sun?

Hi!

Hope everyone had a nice Easter!

Earlier today I watched a documentary about how the Swedish Moderate Party (m) won the elections in 2006. Before then, the main opposition party, the Social Democrats (s), had governed for a total of over 65 years since the early 20th century.

One of the leading (m) strategists, Per Schlingmann, described the nation's 7 parties as planets in an orbit circulating the sun - the Social Democrats. The Moderate party's politics was focused on responding and relating to (s) actions. The key, according to Schlingmann, was to create a new sun, a new way for his party to tell a story and relate to things, independently of (s). And so the Moderate party did, and they won the elections.

This video made me question what my sun is, and how I relate to reality. I like to say that my sun is God. However, in daily life I am often tempted to make other things the centre such as work, my past, health issues (a broken knee cap) and those become the things that I circulate around and refer to during the day.

Personally, I want my sun to consist of God and a positive life story. As pastor T.D. Jakes pointed out: When you focus on your history, it is at the expense of your destiny.

What is your sun? What's at the core of your outlook on life?

Feel free to e-mail me your comments!

Love,

Hermine