My Big Lesson on Stillness

Unexpected events tend to teach us the biggest lessons. Earlier this week I was walking into town, searching for an e-mail on my phone, when suddenly, out of the blue, a man jumped out from behind a lorry!

Surprise

It happened right in front of me, and not surprisingly, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Turned out he was one of the two scaffolding guys working on the house nearby. He apparently thought it was a fun idea to hide behind their lorry, wait until I was just about to pass, and then, "Boo!". His colleague instantly started laughing long and hard and so did a young boy who happened to pass by at the time.

I looked at the smiling guy who had tried to intimidate me, and shouted "Are you crazy? Why did you do that? Haha. Very funny!"

Aftermath

Since I was on my way to an important meeting, I tried not to think about the incident. However, even after the meeting the event was still on my mind and I called my husband to talk about it. On the way home, I took photos of the lorry and the guy who jumped out.  My husband then contacted the company and they immediately apologised and said that the person would not work with them anymore.

Lesson

Although I felt shaky that afternoon (who wouldn't after a full grown man jumps out in front of you!) I also knew that I had an important choice to make. I could either dwell in my frustration and condemn the guy who did it, or I could recognise that it was simply a stupid decision by him to joke and have some fun. Also, I had never experienced a real threat, injury or danger, and I was safe.

I decided to meditate, be mindful and acknowledge that I am here now. In addition, I wanted to acknowledge the feelings of fear and frustration, but not let them take hold of me. And it worked.

He is forgiven. I am at peace.

If you have experienced any similar lessons, let me know!

The 4 Power Principles

1. Purpose

First thing, we need to figure out where we are heading, what is driving us in that direction. Who are you? What are you about? What defines you? What is your mission?

In life coaching one of the keys is to start by setting a goal. This is important, but I would argue that a purpose is beyond the next 6 months, 12 months, 24 months. A purpose has do to with your spirit, drive, your essence - what are you about?

As an entrepreneur, I have lost count of the times that I've been out on a limb putting myself in new situations (attending networking meetings on my own, featuring on videos and so on). What helps in those situations is to reconnect with my purpose; the bottom line, the real reason I am there.

I am about motivation - not just for a month or year, but for a lifetime. That self definition can be applied in a number of settings. This is when we get to create a plan.

2. Plan

How are you going to make best use of your purpose? How is it best reflected? What makes you shine? How can you serve? Which steps can you take today? By when do you expect to achieve those steps? Who can support you and help you flourish?

No man is an island, and over the course of starting my business, I have had a lot of help, and opportunities from business networks, my partner and mentor. Since I work from home, I set daily objectives, weekly and monthly not to mention a 3 year plan. The common denominator for all those plans is that I get to be my best, doing what I love - motivate.

In order to activate the plan, we need to be our own motivation machine. When times get tough, we can use that extra battery of...

3. Positive Thinking

A limitless life requires a limitless mindset. 

When we tell ourselves 'I don't know' over and over again, what result do we get? I don't know. Ask yourself 'If I did know what it was, what would it be?'. 

Also, don't take good words from granted. If some of us spent at least half the energy we use on criticising and downplaying ourselves, then our lives would change significantly for the better. Having gone through depression I have learnt the hard way the positive self compliments don't always come easily. That's why my morning mantra is 'I am Beautiful, Smart and Amazing'. I encourage you to create one too! 

You are the child of God and to do what you are meant to do, there is no time for self pity, only self power. 

4. Peace

Figuring out your purpose, plan and positive thinking requires stillness; the ability to listen to ourselves and what we need. Not just in terms of physical health but mental as well. 

Whether it is through mindfulness or other forms of mediation, prayer, playing with your children, reading a book, a walk in the park, exercising at the gym, running, whatever it is, we need to recharge our batteries. 

There are ebbs and floods in life, and taking time to be silent or doing a fun activity, and letting you thoughts float by like clouds on a blue sky is essential to our wellbeing and accomplishing the things we want in life. 

As you will see on my website, all of the seminar & workshops relate to the above topics in one way or the other. 

You are very welcome to attend my next seminar '10 Life Lessons I Learnt at the Gym' on 15 March!

If you want to find out more, contact me today. Take the first step towards change!  

Lots of love

Hermine 

Break Free Moment - 3 Things To Declare Over Your Destiny

Creating your own realism

Some of us have lived, or live, in environments in which things seem to work against us, where we are set up for disappointment, encouraged to be 'realistic'. I don't know how many people I have spoken to who were told not to pursue a dream because it was deemed 'unrealistic'.

Similarly, some people are 'marinated' in an environment of low expectations, low fulfilment and low satisfaction, since people around them are too afraid to raise their hopes up.

Breaking Free

What I want you to know is that it is possible to break free, and create your own reality. In your world, you decide what is realistic, what you are called to do and what feels right.

I have been called names, told that career plans were unrealistic, that I didn't have social skills.

Acknowledgement is the first step towards change. When you face the fact that certain people around you bring you down rather than lift you up, you are making your first move towards setting your own standards, your own goals and your own definition of yourself
.

3 Declarations

I want something better. I deserve better. I am willing to do better.

Want to increase your confidence? Join me on 25 Feb in lovely Luton. Special introductory offer: £3! www.herminehodson.com/motivational

3 Questions That Will Help You Find Your Purpose

Back in college I received a lot of information about career and further education. However, what I missed were some deeper, more fundamental questions about identity, vision and mission. Sometimes what we long to do is right in front of us, we have the skills and passion and our actions point in that direction. We just haven't been confronted with the right questions.

1. Who are you? 

This is a fundamental question which has nothing to do with name or profession. It is about the fundamental feature of ourselves which transpires everything we do.

If somebody had asked me this question, I would have given a standard answer: 'I am Hermine Helleday (maiden name), I am 18, I live in Stockholm...' and so on). At the same time, I was reading self help books, watching Dr Phil, Oprah Winfrey, and even political debates because I could analyse people and could listen to engaging messages.

Today I give a totally different answer. I am a Motivator. That definition influences

• my work (life coach, motivational speaker)
• my relationships with people (focused on listening, providing support, asking questions)
• what I read ('I Declare: 31 Promises over Your Life' by J. Osteen, 'Daring Greatly' by B. Brown),
• what I listen to (motivational, spiritual podcasts such as the 'RobCast' and 'What I know for sure' by Oprah Winfrey)
• what I tell myself when I am alone (make up motivational speeches in my head!) 

2. What do you enjoy doing?

When I was 18 I loved listening to lecturers in class, probably because I have always admired good public speakers. I also loved travelling and moved to Madrid, Spain at 17. Learning about a different culture, helped me understand other people.

Today I watch Ted Talks regularly, watch political debates and speeches, and love spontaneous trips to new destinations, such as Rome last week. My husband has now made it a tradition to give me a trip for my birthday (plus you can get a lot good deals in January!). Last year the destination was Valencia.

I am now able to travel and motivate people, sharing my personal story of overcoming difficulties and showing that change is possible. What could be better? Did I see myself doing this for a living at 18. Nope. But my interests certainly pointed towards that.

3. What are you about?

This is the question that relates to your tagline, your mission, what you want people to know about you, your USP if you so will. Back in my teenage days, I barely knew what tagline meant, let alone how to formulate one. However, in meetings with people such as employers and clients, the clearer picture you have of who you are and how you can contribute, the better.

As an example, Rhonda Byrne, author of bestselling 'The Secret', uses the mission statement "Bring joy to billions".

Today, my mission is:  'Help create life-changing moments'. It's your life, your moment. I help create the breakthrough, the first step towards change.

So, what is your mission? What do you take pleasure in doing? Who are you?

Stepping Out Of The Mould - How I Challenged My Beliefs

Some of us grew up with images of ourselves that were anything but positive. One of the key benefits I gained from therapy was to challenge the view I had of myself. Fortunately I started therapy at a young age, 18, and since then, nothing has been the same. Here are some examples of how I changed preconceived ideas about myself and my life:

• I took for granted that I was insecure, while I was confident. 
• I though I was shy, when I was actually chatty and love public speaking! 
• I assumed I would live in Sweden, when for the past 16 years I have lived in 3 different countries, met people from all over the world and learnt a new language! 
• I thought I couldn't maintain a healthy relationship. On the contrary, I have now been married to my wonderful husband for 2 years. 
• I thought would complete my studies and then steadily build up a career in marketing. Instead, I decided to follow my passion and become a life coach and motivational speaker helping others create life changing moments.

I encourage everyone to challenge any (negative) preconceived notions that you been told by others or yourself. 

Step out of the mould that others may have tried to fit you in, and allow yourself to be that person you want to become. It starts in the head. You don't have to believe right now, just imagine. Then hold on to that vision, and make the changes necessary. That vision is going to take you places. 

Your Ticket to Success: How to Replace Negative Phrases

I am always amazed by the staff in the local post office and how they manage to listen to "Ticket nr xxx, please go to..." every 15-30 seconds. Personally, I would probably have enough after one day!

It suddenly hit me that I have put up with the 'ticket numbers', just in a different form: negative words.

 What is interesting is that instead of ticket numbers, many of us allow destructive phrases to play in our head, with no objection.

I used to tell myself "I have no social skills", "I am not attractive", even "I am worthless" when my depression hit really hard.

Not only would I play the phrases on repeat, but I would say them out loud. What I wasn't aware of is that when you pronounce words, you give them power.

Today I have a whole new arsenal of phrases, and they are positive. I make sure I say them to myself out loud every morning: "I am Beautiful", "I am Smart", "I am Amazing". I have even ordered Joel Osteen's 'I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life' for more inspiration.

Start with declaring a new phrase over yourself today (e.g. as you comb your hair, spray perfume or make the bed, to make it a routine). It most likely will feel slightly awkward, because your brain might go "What's this?", but don't let it stop you. Soon the positive phrases will come pouring out, just maybe not every 30 seconds!

How Weddings Reflect the Relationship between God and Us

If you asked me what my favourite type of traditional event is, I would say weddings. It may not come as a surprise. However, my fancy for weddings goes beyond the 7 layer cakes, amazing wedding dresses and white swans.

I like weddings because you get to see the true nature of two people, deciding that they will entrust someone with their heart and future, and to keep that bond for the rest of their lives.

Sounds familiar? That's exactly how I feel about my relationship with God. When I gave my life to Him, I decided that whatever I did was going to be for His glory, and that I wouldn't be afraid if it meant risking it all - or gaining it all.

It is not about being religious; it is simply acknowledging that there is a power greater than myself and that I am not here by accident.

One of my relatives got married yesterday. As the groom declared his promise to his wife of being there for her, I could tell that there was nervousness in the air; 100+ people watching him speak from his heart, and taking a new direction in his life.

Similarly, who wouldn't feel nervous declaring their commitment to God and say exactly what they felt in front of all those people? However, the bride and groom said the words, and so have I at church. After all, courage is doing something despite fear.

Next time you're at a wedding, consider that the couple up at the altar is actually God's reflection of your relationship with Him.

What's your purpose in life?

Piggies can teach you a lot. Not a moment goes by opening a plastic bag without them 'oinking' with excitement. Each time they believe I am bringing them fresh grass from the garden. I try and give them a green treat every day, and they get just as excited each time. They will stand next to the cage opening, ready to dig in. As I put the grass in the grass, they will dive under it and bury themselves under the straws, so much that I can't even spot them.

They were made for grass, and grass was made for them: a perfect union. I believe each time they smell those handpicked straws, they connect with their purpose as a prey animal: to eat.

I also believe that we feel the same excitement when we discover something related to our purpose. When I deliver a training session, or watch Dr Phil, I forget time and become devoured by what I am doing in a good way. I get filled with excitement each time before talking to a group, or a new episode is out. That is because those above things relate to my purpose: I love analysing and helping people. (Thankfully I don't start 'oinking' like those fur balls at home!)

What is it that when you do it, you forget about space and time? What fills you up with excitement? The piggies can smell grass from the other end of the room. What are you looking forward to do, tomorrow, a week, a year from now?

Let me know and have a great week!

(Check out the munch bunch below!)

/Hermine

Your "particular set of skills"

Everyone has talent, a purpose in life to fulfill. However, discovering that talent and your niche market in life can be challenging. Some people are still looking for that special skill that they can zoom in on in their 50’s, and others seem to know what it is when they are 5. No matter how long it takes to find it, there is something out there that you are really good at.

Earlier this year, Dagens Nyheter (Swedish newspaper) wrote that Eric Schüldt, a Swedish radio show host received the Lagercrantz award earlier this year for his Saturday morning hit programme (among other projects) where he comments on mainly classical music.

After the award was announced journalist Åsa Beckman came to visit him. She had pictured Schüldt’s living room full of music sheet, busts of famous composers and records. Upon arrival, Beckman noted that on the contrary, the living room was “white and naked like a monastery cell. A piece of harsh ryebread, Marcel Proust’s ‘In Search of Lost Time’ on the workdesk plus a Russian Orthodox image of Christ. The only object which doesn’t look ascetic is a swivel chair in 70’s kitsch leather imitation with ditto foot stool.”

Schüldt said that that is where he sits and selects music for his show. He also stated that he prefers listening to music in earphones, rather than attending concerts, because then he feels that the music speaks just to him. During his university studies in journalism, he didn’t do well when it came to writing news stories, doing reports and so on. The only thing he was good at was good at was radio. The first time someone reacted positively on what he did was when he did radio broadcasts for a student channel.

As I read the article, I thought “Wow, there really is something for everyone.” I was impressed and fascinated by how Schüldt kept working at what he was good at, radio, and even more, analysing classical music, a true niche are in today’s music scene.

Our job is to keep testing, keep trying new things, until things click, someone comments on our talent, and that feedback gives us a hint. You may not be interested in the traditional areas of work, but there is always something you can excel in, even such specialised things such as listening to music in a white room.

"Fame is other people's perception of who you are"

As I was reading Markus 'Notch' Persson tweets earlier, I was reminded of the phrase stated by Oprah Winfrey regarding fame: "Fame is other people's perception of who you are." In other words, you can never experience yourself the same way another person would.

Persson is the founder of the famous online videogame 'Minecraft' in which you use blocks (similar to lego) to build anything you want. The game has won several awards and the company behind the game, Mojang, was bought by Microsoft in 2014 for $2.5 billion (£1.5 billion).

The purchase dramatically turned around Persson's life and he soon purchased a mansion in Beverly Hills for $70 million (ca. £45 million), outbidding Jay-Z and Beyonce.

While many of us look up to the lifestyle of the rich and famous, we are still observers. However, if we were in their shoes, would we still experience things in a positive way?

I think the tweet below speaks volumes about the joy and adventure being in the journey, not the destination.

Markus PerssonVerified account‏@notch

The problem with getting everything is you run out of reasons to keep trying, and human interaction becomes impossible due to imbalance.

• RETWEETS1,712
• FAVOURITES2,586
• 

2:48 a.m. - 29 Aug 2015

Some years ago, I received a large sum of insurance money due to a dog bite in Italy. I love shopping and treating myself once a month after I get my paycheck. I even like window shopping since I get to plan what I will buy next.

However, after I received the lump sum, the excitement of buying one of those pretty expensive dresses, just vanished. It was as if when I knew I could by the dress (and the shoes, necklace, bag), I no longer sought the objects, they became every day things. As Persson stated, I was no longer trying, I had the money.

If I suddenly started earning millions and was hanging on Ibiza with celebrities, how would I know which ones were interested in me as a person, and which ones were interested in the money? Suddenly there's an imbalance.

I believe the key to keep oneself grounded is to do something for work, that you would do even if you weren't earning a penny, to have people around you who knew you before you acquired your wealth and will treat you the same way as before, and remember that happiness comes from the inside wherever we are in life.

The Waiting Game

I believe that to feel fulfilled in life one sometimes needs to take big risks. Like my husband said about having a plan B: "Sometimes you  need a 'plan G' - God's plan. Taking the step and starting your own business, or moving abroad can seem daunting, but not taking the step could leave you unfulfilled and 'lost in life'.

I also believe sticking to the 'G plan' means living in the present and finding peace and joy inside, aware that we are not our possessions or our performance at work.

When we don't take the step to follow a higher purpose for our life, we risk end up in a 'Waiting Game' that ends up controlling our life: waiting for Friday, waiting for the weekend, waiting for payday, summer, Christmas, holiday, graduation, pension, finding a partner... you know the dealio. Just fill in the blanks.

Many lives become shaped after the 'Waiting' rulebook, which basically says "Work hard and await your turn to enjoy life off work." Research shows that not only are people happier on weekends but also experience fewer aches and more energy between Friday evening and Sunday afternoon.

However, as stated in the wide known book 'The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment' (Eckhart Tolle, 2004) all we have is the present moment:

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” 

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”  

After having read Tolle's work, I am determined not to end up in 'Waiting Game' but to practise being here right now, turning down the volume of my thoughts and focusing more on the silent space between breaths.

Aligning your actions with God's purpose

I was in Sweden last week, visiting family and friends, but also to get a break away from work and the normal daily duties and clear my head. My parents have a wonderful summer house called Sigridsberg about 1,5 hours from south of Stockholm. It is a place where you can truly find peace and quiet. As you step out from the car on arrival, there's just silence and a nice fresh smell.

In front of the house there is a big lake, perfect for swimming. One day, as I was watching the lake, it hit me that the water flowed perfectly in the same direction. All the litres of water somehow managed to join up and stream forward, consistently and peacefully. That is when I realised that God was trying to telling me to align my actions with his purpose. It is when we fight the stream, that natural flow, that we end up in trouble. Joel Osteen has said that God's grace is like a sat nav; wherever you are in life, there is always a way back to Him. The voice in our hearts always tries to get us back to our flow. Follow it. 

Earlier this evening I applied for a coaching course in management. I believe it is another step in the direction that God wants to take me and improve me so I can help others. Is there a step you can take to increase the flow in your life?

If you need some help, have a look at Joel Osteen's recent 'Night of Hope' in San Francisco. I know it will make you feel uplifted :) 

Who are you?

In 'Masterclass' Jay-Z once mentioned how he spent hours writing rap lyrics as a child. His mother often pointed out the importance of hard work to get somewhere, and he always pictured this being getting a job and study hard.

However, one day he realised that all the time he had spent writing rap lyrics, listening to rap etc. was actually work. He just didn't see it as such, but more like an interest or a hobby.

Do you have a hobby, something that you spend a lot of time on? If so, that could be your work, preparing you for something greater. Perhaps you've thought of all those hours in the garden or baking as just something you do for fun? Well, you could earn money having fun, because it is a passion that God has put in your heart.

I attended a development day session for women during which we were asked to create an action plan for our careers. There was a lady there who during most of the workshop, repeated that she didn't know what to do and issues with family commitments. Towards the end of the workshop, me, a colleague and her were put in a group to discuss our plans.

The above mentioned lady suddenly mentioned how she used to make over 60 cookies for her kids' school and get up early to bake bread and cakes in the morning. The rest of us were surprised at finding this out but encouraged her to tell us more. It was clear what this woman loved to do: baking! And surely, at the end of the development day, she had transformed, her facial expression turned into a smile and she excitingly exclaimed: "I am a baker!"

What do you look forward to? What feels fun and effortless? And most importantly, who are you?

Dreams

As I walked around the Chemist's a few weeks ago, I thought about where I could get hold of some extra money to get some of the latest beauty products. I suddenly remembered an ad at the University where I work. A researcher was looking for participants for a dream study. The compensation for participating was a £20 shopping voucher which I simply couldn't resist. However, when the researcher at Department of Psychology first started advertising the study, I wasn't sure whether to participate or not. The study involved being woken up by an alarm four times per night for two nights and record your dreams on a dictaphone in the middle of the night.

I waited for months to decide, reflecting on what the effect would be at work due to lack of sleep, if I could ever find the "right" night to do it (maybe a Friday night?), the complications of analysing my dreams afterwards and the amount of time it would take.

Despite the worries about losing deep sleep for two nights, the desire for the shopping voucher grew stronger. I told my husband about the project and he decided to participate in the research project as well. Eventually we got the equipment and questionnaires. Let the research begin!

Waking up in the middle of the night was much easier than I thought. I was able to go to work, and was only slightly tired during the workday.

Also, the questionnaires turned out to be much easier to fill in than I expected. I just ticked the options that applied and wrote down ca. 10 things I had done during each day before going to bed.

Easy peasy!

The experience of taking part in the project taught me that while things may look hard on paper, they are probably much easier in reality. I have gained confidence and feel less hesitant about volunteering, using advanced recipes or taking on new tasks at work.

The biggest gain was not the boost I got from the new hair conditioner and make up I was able to buy, but the reminder that things often seem harder then they are. Trying won't hurt!

Do you have a similar story? Let me know!    

Love,

Hermine

The Master-plan

This Friday I finished work 30 minutes early and decided to make the most of it and head to the mall asap. On the way I dropped my scarf and had to go back to the office to look for it. Perhaps I left it on the rack? Nope, nowhere to be found. I checked one of the bathrooms. Not there either. 

Finally after heading down to the main university reception, I spotted it on the desk. I checked the clock and noticed I had spent almost 15 min looking for it!

I felt annoyed and headed to Wilkinsons to get some snacks. When I was about to pop my card in to pay, I noticed that the young lady before me had left her credit card in the machine. I grabbed the card, rushed out shouting "Excuse me!". The lady turned around, got her card and thanked me dearly. 

Looking back, had I not lost my scarf at the university, I would not have been at Wilkinson's earlier behind the lady and spotting the card. Who knows who else would have seen it and what they would have done?

This story reminded me that God has a plan with everything we do. If you miss the bus or an appointment, don't spend time being frustrated and disappointed. Maybe you were meant to miss that bus because another important event is taking place down the line? Instead, try and thank God for working in your life behind the scenes. He wants what is best for you. He's got a Master-plan. 

Do you have a similar story?