Re-invent Yourself!

In this clip Steve Harvey goes through challenges in his life: divorce, homelessness, being written, off among other things. He also goes through his successes and how he has been able to use all of this knowledge to his advantage. Oprah then says:  "And you know how to re-invent yourself!". Harvey responds with "You cannot be afraid of that!"

I think this is the difference between living a fulfilled life, and not living it. We either see the challenges which have occurred in our life as something that defines us and bring us down, or something that re-invents us, increases our knowledge and builds us up. Your challenges are there for you to learn from and to prepare you for the great things you are meant to do in life. 

It is ok to say, "I was lonely, didn't almost have any friends, but it has made me comfortable with being alone and dealing with situations independently. It also doesn't define me as asocial or lacking social skills. I am social."

Or you may have gone through a divorce and let that define you as a failure. "There are no failures, just God blowing us in a new direction", as Oprah said recently. The divorce was a new opportunity for you to come to grips with who you are, deal with underlying emotions, and get closer to your mission. You are a victor.

Similarly, when "the shit hits the fan", we should not be afraid of letting out and show the new sides of ourselves that we have discovered, the knowledge we have acquired. It may not fit the labels or stereotypes we were given growing up, but it is still you. 

I was often told I was shy, but you know what, I love to talk! And I love to talk especially in public. I would be happy to give a seminar if you are interested.

Finally, a quote from  Ephesians 1: 18-22:

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."

Robin Williams and What his Death Teaches Us

It was with great sadness that I heard of Robin Williams's suicide yesterday. Apparently he had struggled with depression as well as cocaine and alcohol addiction (self-medication). 

Actor Stellan Skarsgård (who starred with Williams in 'Good Will Hunting') said in an interview that it was as if Williams had 3 different brains going at the same time. When it was just them talking, he could be serious and they could discuss deep issues. However, if more people entered the room, Williams would suddenly change and start making jokes and so on.

To me, the comic and the solemn parts Williams displayed were also reflected in his movies. The 'funny' side was shown in 'Aladdin', 'Hook', 'Mrs Doubtfire' etc. while the more serious side was visible in 'Good Will Hunting' and 'Dead Poets' Society' among others. 

Being able to demonstrate such a variety of emotions and talents on screen made him one of a kind, able to make us both laugh and cry. Few actors today have the range of talent that Williams had. 

Depression is a widespread issue in today's society. Williams's death teaches us to be more attentive to people around us who may be struggling and to offer our support. 

The illness is a battle of the mind, and many people are fighting that battle alone in the dark every day. I have learnt that you never, ever give in to the disease. Depression is an illness, it is not permanent, and it can be healed. Let's pay attention to the small signs in people around us, and help them in their healing. 

The following could be signs of depression: 

• continuous low mood or sadness
• feeling hopeless and helpless
• having low self esteem 
• feeling tearful
• feeling guilt-ridden
• feeling irritable and intolerant of others 
• having no motivation or interest in things
• finding it difficult to make decisions 
• not getting any enjoyment out of life
• feeling anxious or worried
• having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself 

 

Physical symptoms include: 

• moving or speaking more slowly than usual 
• change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased) 
• constipation
• unexplained aches and pains
• lack of energy or lack of interest in sex (loss of libido) 
• changes to your menstrual cycle 
• disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning) 

Social symptoms include: 

• not doing well at work
• taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends
• neglecting your hobbies an interests 
• having difficulties in your home and family life 

(Source: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx)

If you need help or want to find out more, please visit the mental health charity Mind's webpage (a great organisation which I also volunteer as a mentor for) or the NHS website. 

The Power of the Mind

I recently assisted at a University recruitment event. One of my colleagues mentioned he hadn't slept well the previous night. He explained that he had shoulder pain, despite nothing being wrong with his shoulder. It turned out that he had had an accident in the past which had created severe pain, and even after recovering, his nerves were still sending pain signals to the brain, despite there being very little or no cause. It was as if his body had memorised the feeling and kept reacting despite there being no sign of hurt.

He also told me that the doctors had tried to figure out where in the nerve system the signals were disconnected (thereby failing to create accurate reactions) but couldn't find it.

This reminded me of the anxiety I sometimes have in certain situations, despite there being no threat or danger. An example would be a social event, where I fear that a person may say something hurtful. It is as if my body goes into lockdown mode, my stomach (the organ which most resembles the state of your brain) gets tense, and sometimes I almost feel like crying. I can't pinpoint exactly where the fear is coming from, I just know there have been events in the past where I have felt helpless and have no control. Even if there is just a hint of someone being blunt, my body goes into defense mode sometimes.

Power of the Mind

As mentioned in the previous blog post, the key in these moments is to acknowledge that you are feeling vulnerable, speak to someone you trust and if necessary, take a break and remove yourself temporarily from the situation. If the reactions persist and hinder you from socialising, seek help. Whatever you do, avoid isolation and shame. You can get through this.

It is fully understandable that your body has memorised strong events, and created strong reactions to protect you. It is a great thing to have that defensive reaction in crucial situations. However, your mind and body can be trained into preserving that for when it really matters and enable you to trust yourself and be relaxed in your everyday life.

Vulnerability

Recently, I have been reading Brené Brown's "Daring Greatly and the Importance of Vulnerability" (2012). Vulnerability is such an essential feature when it comes to growing, and connecting with people. Simply acknowledging when we feel that we are out on a rope takes us forward:

"From the field of health psychology, studies show that perceived vulnerability, meaning the ability to acknowledge our risks and exposure, greatly increases our chances of adhering to some kind of positive health regimen"..."What makes this really interesting is that the critical issue is not about our actual level of vulnerability, but the level at which we acknowledge our vulnerabilities around a certain illness or threat." 

Similarly, in the Bible it says: 

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

   Dr Brené Brown

If we acknowledge when we feel weak and vulnerable, and rest in that feeling, avoiding blaming others, we will grow stronger. Brown clarifies that vulnerability is not weakness (e.g. asking (when insecure) a friend whose relative passed away if the friend is ok would be viewed as courage and strength, not weakness.) I believe by "weaknesses" Paul means tough situations, in which it is important to be open and delight in your vulnerability.

Being vulnerable is doing things that appear intimidating, opening up to potential hurt believing that that is right thing to do and that you are good enough.

As the Bible quote above states, God's power is made perfect in weakness. If we take the risks, open up and enter the arena, then we will be rewarded. We are sharpened like diamonds in tough situations if we acknowledge when we feel pain and shame, avoid finger-pointing and gain insights.

God's grace is sufficient for us, even when we are vulnerable, so there is nothing to fear.

Additionally, by being self-assured in tough moments and trusting our worth, we help others feel relaxed too.

Next time you feel that you are removing your shield, acknowledge the feeling and declare "I am a Masterpiece, God's child. No weapon formed against me will prosper. I am perfectly fine as I am. Thank you God for making me stronger."

Giraffes and Turtles

T.D Jakes - Oprah's Lifeclass

Bishop T. D. Jakes

I love this video, and how T.D compares turtles and giraffes and their worldviews. It is so easy to accept someone else's view. However, what T.D so brilliantly points out is that, just because we stand in the same spot, doesn't mean we have the same worldview. I used to be told that my goals were "unrealistic". I now understand that there is no such thing as "unrealistic". God is our Heavenly Father, and he can make all things possible.

We need to lift our eyes and believe in the supernatural, allow it to come to us, and welcome and open up to God's gifts. "We walk by faith not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7). We walk by the supernatural, not the natural.

Some people are comfortable in the grass; it is easy to hide from accountability, you don't need to take in as many views. You have got all the food you need within reach.
But we should stretch towards the sky like giraffes, stretch towards the highest branches and beyond. And whenever we hear someone trying to bring us down to their level, have compassion for them, try and lift them up, but also think, that is a turtle speaking, I am going to continue to grow and hold my head up high.

Maya Angelou's Legacy

Maya Angelou passed away yesterday. She left so many wonderful quotes. Here are some of them:

• "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
• "Nothing will work unless you do."
• "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
• "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

The first quote is so true. I don't remember all of the negative things people have said to me, partly because some are so painful that my mind has suppressed them. But I remember the feeling. That feeling returns when something similar happens, and I feel  a strong reaction to what someone says. My first thought is: I must have heard this in the past. 

Similarly, I remember when people make me feel good, uplifted, light and positive. And those people we are attracted to even more, right. They make us feel good about ourselves :) . 

The second phrase is a call to action. Personally I can spend a lot of time listening to people, and get inspired, but in the end it all comes down to action: how are you going to implement this lessons in your life? It is like Maya said: "When you learn, teach. When you get, give." Pass it on, pass it on. 

We also need to carefully consider our attitude towards things. I can't change certain people, but I can try and influence. However, I am not going let energy slip away on frustration over not being able to change someone. I am going to do what I can, and focus on: What is God teaching me in all this? 

Similarly, we can't change our past, but we can decide the attitude we will have towards our past. Please don't go around wishing your past was ideal and Mayberry. It is energy that is used towards something we can't change. Focus instead on: What does God want me to do with my past? How has it made me stronger/more experienced/hardworking/courageous? Consider that maybe your past was exactly what is was supposed to be, so that it could prepare you for great deeds in the future. 

The final citation is about being able to tell how someone around you views life. Rainy day? Great for flowers and God's creations to grow, and water reserves to increase. 

Lost luggage? Well, in the end those are all material things. And thinking about it, I can survive without it, while hoping and working towards getting it back. After all, I have got my loved ones here next to me, we are all safe and sound, and that is the most important thing. 

Entangled Christmas lights? God, I can see how you have given me a small test to try my patience, and I will pass it. If I keep my calm, have a good attitude and work slowly and methodically, I will sort out these lights. In your name, Amen!

Rest in peace, Maya. I know that God is taking good care of you. 

You are Important

This is my first blog post. I started writing on the first day of the Mental Health Awareness Week, which is great because I am passionate about inspiring people and help you live better, positive lives. Hermine & Harmony (H&H) not only stands for my initials, but for finding peace in yourself, believing in yourself and finding harmony in life. The blog title stands for the latter: living a life in harmony. I want you to have a life filled with excitement and gratitude and free from influence of negative thoughts. I believe that excitement is a way of showing gratitude, and being grateful gets us closer to God and attracts the things we want and need. When you feel harmonious, you are not swayed by negative voices, they don't mean anything. Instead you feel love and joy: You are in connection with God.

I want you to live the life you deserve, to be able to replace the negative tapes in your head with positive ones. Depression is a battle of the mind, and it takes time to learn how to manage your feelings and thoughts, but it is possible. I have included a picture of Las Torres de Europa ("The Towers of Europe" in Madrid. Madrid was my new birthplace, the place where I had my wake up call and got help. Those towers represent not only the gateway to Europe, but the gateway to my new healthy life.

Too often you hear people complain about themselves or their lives, and without realising it, they attract more of what they don't want. For a long time, I had a chip on my shoulder telling me I couldn't do things, that I wasn't good enough, planting seeds of mistrust towards others in my head. I know what it feels like, and it took years of conscious efforts to replace that chip with the true voice, saying I am good enough, important, that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I want you to live a better life, I want to help you increase that positive, true voice and help you make big changes in your life.

What really helped me was also my belief in God, and God will be central to this blog, as he is in everything else in my life. I believe God saved me all those years ago when I came out of depression, and I believe it is my divine mission and purpose to help others. I hope you enjoy this blog and that it inspires you!

Have an amazing day!

Love,

Hermine