The Pension Prison

In the documentary 'Queen of Versailles', Jackie Siegel says that her turning point came while working at IBM. 

"I came into the office early one day and I asked my manager, "Which project are you working on?" 

He said, "I wrote my own programme to count down the years, days, months, weeks, minutes, down to the second of when I retire."

I said, "Well, why would you do that?" 

He said ,"Because that is when I am going to start living my life."  

I said, "Wow!"  

I put in my resignation."

The above recount shows a perfect example of what I call the 'Pension Prison'. It is a place where you become an inmate when your focus on time until you are "set free" to enjoy life, instead of finding ways to enjoy things now.

Your constant cellmates are Pessimism, Passivity and (Self) Pity, all of which feature in each of the examples below. I have met people who: 

• believe that they can't find another job if they leave their current position. If they managed to find a new position, it would be in a dollar store 
• Say they will never set their foot in the workplace again once they have retired, and that they will stay far away
• Focus on the things they will do when retired, while complaining about the present
• Have spent numerous year with the same employer and still complain frequently about tasks although they are part of the job specification

I have also seen big announcements by staff members on the noticeboard, about finally retiring. More than saying goodbye and showing appreciation, the messages have sounded like great exhales of relief.  

The key lesson for me is to find reasons and ways to enjoy the present moment. That is how we attract more joy, fulfillment and other things we want. When we complain and sigh heavily for each task, we attract what we don't want: boredom, negativity and passivity. 

As Eckhart Tolle puts it in 'The Power Now' 

“...the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whaterver form. Both are illusions.” 

For Pension Prisoners, retirement holds the promise of salvation ('One day I will be gone from this place. When I walk out through those doors, I will never return'). However, the only time we have is now. Tolle explains the illusion of time this way:

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

What if each time we dream about retirement, we lose another moment which could have been spent soaking up the present. How do we even know there will be retirement? We never know which day will be our last on Earth. There was one employee who retired after more than 40 years with the organisation and shortly after sadly passed away. I hope that he enjoyed his work.

How Weddings Reflect the Relationship between God and Us

If you asked me what my favourite type of traditional event is, I would say weddings. It may not come as a surprise. However, my fancy for weddings goes beyond the 7 layer cakes, amazing wedding dresses and white swans.

I like weddings because you get to see the true nature of two people, deciding that they will entrust someone with their heart and future, and to keep that bond for the rest of their lives.

Sounds familiar? That's exactly how I feel about my relationship with God. When I gave my life to Him, I decided that whatever I did was going to be for His glory, and that I wouldn't be afraid if it meant risking it all - or gaining it all.

It is not about being religious; it is simply acknowledging that there is a power greater than myself and that I am not here by accident.

One of my relatives got married yesterday. As the groom declared his promise to his wife of being there for her, I could tell that there was nervousness in the air; 100+ people watching him speak from his heart, and taking a new direction in his life.

Similarly, who wouldn't feel nervous declaring their commitment to God and say exactly what they felt in front of all those people? However, the bride and groom said the words, and so have I at church. After all, courage is doing something despite fear.

Next time you're at a wedding, consider that the couple up at the altar is actually God's reflection of your relationship with Him.

Don't be Afraid of the Dark

Stockholm at night. 

Darkness can be scary but it can also be comforting. Many people ask me what it was like living in the land of Nordic Noir (Sweden has ca. 4 hours of daylight in the winter (average: 5.24 hours of daylight per day)). I tell them that some people find it difficult, but that I actually find it quite nice and cosy. (It helps that my birthday and Christmas take place in the winter!).

On a dark evening, you can cuddle up in a nice chair, with some hot chocolate, a good book, and enjoy the warmth and comfort of being inside. Darkness also inspires me to invent stories: about murder mysteries, thrillers and so on. 

The cold has a tendency to sweep things away. Walking down the street in the dark, biting cold can be a solemn, quiet and peaceful experience. Warmth makes things come alive: darkness makes my thoughts come to life. I always write better in the evening, find more peace and inspiration. I can look out the window and admire the beautiful city lights of Luton.

Just like there have been dark parts of your life, they don't have to be scary or something to shy away from. If you can find a way to be inspired by that darkness, to walk in it in peace, then it can even be comforting.

Your Story is Bigger than You

We all have a story which is bigger than us. That is because our lives are not coincidental, we were planned before the beginning of time to be here and carry out our mission. 

Furthermore, we all have talents, and when we share those, you can feel the fire. Some people are like fireworks; they shoot up to the sky, before they fade away. Others keep their fire burning longer. Some people shine in the public eye, others sparkle behind the scenes. All fiery passions are equally important. 

I watched Gudrun Schyman (leader of a Swedish feminist party) talk at a rally once, and although there were only a handful of people there, I could feel the fire and passion in her speech. It didn't matter if there were 1 or 1000 people watching: she spoke for a different reason, a higher purpose. 

I hope to be able to share my passion similarly and that my fire will help you glow! On the 22nd of this month I gave a motivational seminar in Luton, and it went beyond expectations! People sharing stories and coming up to chat awards: it was simply great. 

Before each seminar I make sure I prepare, but even so, you sometimes feel a slight nervousness. However, before this session, somehow I felt really calm and focused. It was as if sharing my story and motivating others was part of something bigger. 

The session had a great flow, and I instinctively felt I knew what to say. People told me later that the session had helped change their perceptions, which was great. 

During feedback afterwards, one lady even said she wanted to hear more about certain parts, such as the similarities between depression and addiction (mentioned previously in the blog) and the 10 life lessons. 

If you want to find out more about the life lessons and other topics, there will be further sessions in the near future, including webinars! 

Hope to see you there!  

Have a nice Sunday! 

x / Hermine

Faith, Hope and Love

At the moment there is a popular reality TV series being broadcasted in Sweden, 'Tro, hopp och kärlek' ('Faith, hope and love'). It centers on 4 vicars looking for love. Each person selects 7-8 people that they want to date and find out more about (based on applications to their profiles.) During each episode the pastors get closer to their decision who they are most interested in, and consequently say goodbye to those who showed to be less of a suitable partner.

 Participants on the show 'Tro, hopp och kärlek'. Copyright: SVT

Personally, I love this type of series about people looking for love and going on dates. What I particularly like about this show is that it proves that no matter your age, people still look for love in their 50's, 60's and so on,  and still feel like "a 14 year old" when on a date.

One thing that most participants have said once they have found their match, is that they can be themselves with that person, that they feel relaxed and at ease. In addition, a common reflection is that they can talk about anything with the other person, but also just be quiet.

In a country, where almost half of the homes are single households (mostly in big cities like Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö), TV series like the above are becoming increasingly popular (e.g. 'Love at first sight' about people meeting for the first time at the altar, broadcasted earlier this year).

Even when you have found yourself (and God), there is still the challenge and adventure of finding the other half. That search can take place at any age, but still creates the same excitement when the destiny seems near. It is watching people never giving up that hope, that makes me get excited about a new episode each week.

Linear-active vs. Multi-active cultures: A Cinematic Case Study

Intercultural skills can help save you a lot of frustration, as I experienced last night. Me and my husband went to see 'The Walk' about wire walker Philippe Petit who made it a mission to walk between the two Twin Towers. 

Actually deciding to watch the movie meant 'walking the walk' for me, as I had shivered each time I watched the trailer, due to slight acrophobia. 

So there we were seated, munching on the Cadbury bars. About a third into the movie I noticed 3 people behind us, '4 o' clock', chatting. My guess was that they were of South Asian descent, due to accent. I tell myself it is only a few whispers, until one of their mobile phones starts flashing. As the movie gains intensity, so do their voices. My husband, in a typical English fashion, turns around and gives them a strict 'look'. 

Halfway into the movie, after constant chatting from the upper row, my husband decides to go and speak to the staff, to avoid 'causing a scene'. Again, very English. 

A member of staff enters the screen room and respectfully tells the speaking spectators to be quiet. As Petit takes his first steps on the wire, I am finally able to fully focus. 

In the above situation, anyone could easily have been frustrated. "Why can't they just be quiet?". "I've paid £10 to watch the movie, I'm going to enjoy it, d**n it". 

I don't believe the people chatting were 'naughty'; my guess is that they come from multi-active culture, e.g. India, where people often do several things at the same time (such as talking during a movie.) In linear-active cultures like the UK, people usually do one thing at a time. Just like Petit's walk, it is one step at a time on a straight line. Similarly, members of linear-active societies dislike jumping to other activities, before the former tasks have been finished. 

In multi-active cultures, many people believe that flexibility with tasks, and focus on relationships is the quicker way to reach the goal. As an example, one can look at how people queue for the bus. Queueing and not cutting in line is of very high importance in the UK, while in other places like India or Spain, people tend form a group in front of the bus entrance. 

Are you from a linear-active or multiactive culture? Do you want to find out more about how to improve your cross cultural skills? Visit my website www.herminehodson.com 

What's your purpose in life?

Piggies can teach you a lot. Not a moment goes by opening a plastic bag without them 'oinking' with excitement. Each time they believe I am bringing them fresh grass from the garden. I try and give them a green treat every day, and they get just as excited each time. They will stand next to the cage opening, ready to dig in. As I put the grass in the grass, they will dive under it and bury themselves under the straws, so much that I can't even spot them.

They were made for grass, and grass was made for them: a perfect union. I believe each time they smell those handpicked straws, they connect with their purpose as a prey animal: to eat.

I also believe that we feel the same excitement when we discover something related to our purpose. When I deliver a training session, or watch Dr Phil, I forget time and become devoured by what I am doing in a good way. I get filled with excitement each time before talking to a group, or a new episode is out. That is because those above things relate to my purpose: I love analysing and helping people. (Thankfully I don't start 'oinking' like those fur balls at home!)

What is it that when you do it, you forget about space and time? What fills you up with excitement? The piggies can smell grass from the other end of the room. What are you looking forward to do, tomorrow, a week, a year from now?

Let me know and have a great week!

(Check out the munch bunch below!)

/Hermine